My Therapy - Day 15

Welcome to Therapist Point! I'm your host, Jake, and today we'll continue discussing my personal journey with therapy as I reflect on my second session.

Being Stuck in the Past

So, I'm in my 40s, and one of the main things we discussed in the 2^nd session of therapy is how I've often find myself stuck in the past. On one hand, I know this is something many people experience as they get older. But on the other hand, I can't help but feel it's not just about aging—it's also that the world around me has changed so drastically when comparing decades in the past century, and I no longer feel as connected to it as I once did, and that's where the struggle begins.

How Social Media Changed the Way We Connect

One example of this shift is how people socialize. We all know that social media has changed the way we communicate over the past decade or so, but it feels like it’s getting worse with each passing year. If we look back even a century, socializing was mostly face-to-face, not glued to a device. This is where I start to think it’s not just me getting older; the world has really shifted. I’m pretty sure I’m not crazy and many feel the same way.

Now, to expand on that, one thing that bothers me a lot is how it's all about recording the moment instead of actually experiencing it. We see this at concerts, festivals, clubs, and so on. The irony is that back in my partying days (yes, I’m sounding like the old man now, haha), when we went clubbing, it was rare for anyone to record anything. If we saw someone recording us having fun at the after-party, and doing what we do, we’d probably think they were a narc and tell them to stop or leave—this was our moment, not for the world, some Goodfellas kind of vibe, some R-Kelly keep it on DL kind of vibe. But now, all you see are people holding up their phones to the DJ or artist on stage, and honestly, it just looks kind of sad to me.

I get it, though. Some of you listening might be those people, and I'm not trying to put you down. I understand that if everyone else is doing it, and this the thing, you might feel the need to do it too. Don’t get me wrong—I myself, did it when it first became a thing. But after a while, it just lost its appeal, and I started to miss how we used to have fun, without the constant need to capture everything. So, yeah, it's a struggle, and it often makes me not want to go out, knowing I’ll just be surrounded by people standing there with their phones. And in some ways, kind of waiting to see what’s the next trend, but I’m not that optimistic about it getting any better, probably even worse.

Now, here’s the other side of the coin, where it might sound a bit hypocritical: yeah, when I’m home, not doing much, I’ll hop on Instagram or Facebook and scroll through posts to pass the time. In some ways, that’s just what we’re being fed now, so it’s hard to completely ignore it, unless you go just go live off-grid which is not a reality for most. So kind of like, if you can’t beat them, you join them, but I’m a born leader so I’m hoping some of y’all can join me and lets have events where people need to check in their phones before entering, kind of like a coat check, but for you phone.  I know, wishful thinking, but you just never know.

Why I Miss the 80s, 90s, and 2000s Era

Now besides this whole record the moment business, another aspect that I miss when going out to clubs or parties is how we used to dance and the music that goes with it. For example, now if you go to a hip hop club, the ladies pretty much have their one move which is twerking. Don’t get more wrong, I enjoy a little twerk here and there, but I don’t want your ass sticking in my crotch all night, it gets old and impersonal. What happened to those days where we used to dance hand in hand, chest to chest, and face to face? Call me old school romantic, but I do also miss them slow dances where it felt intimate, romantic, love in the air. Yup.. Another example are raves/festivals. It seems as their only move today is doing the shuffle dance the entire time. Yeah, it’s a cool dance at first, but also gets old and impersonal. What to do, what to do lol.  

Ok, lets shift gears. So there’s other areas of being stuck in the past such as Movies for example. Personally I’m a movie buff, I do miss movies from the 80’s, 90’s, even 2000’s in comparison to most movies today. Not saying that there aren’t any as I will come across a movie here and there that I enjoy, but the part I’m not a big fan of movies today is it’s either all about CGI and not the story line lacks originality, or everything is a remake which I personally feel maybe 1 out of 20 is good and the rest not my cup of tea. And other areas as well such as Superhero Fatigue, Poor Character Development, Political Correctness, etc.. So, I do find myself recycling back to watching old movies when nothing else new to watch that is interesting, but that’s also getting old, how many times can you really watch old movies. Ok, so there watching documentaries or other educational/informational shows can be a good spin off solution. I limit the news I watch or read to just enough to being informed what’s out there, but I think if you get stuck in that world too much, that probably cause some anxieties and stress. Bottom line, that industry has also shifted and need to adjust to it.

Another example is Standup Comedy. Personally, I’m not that sensitive or easily offended as I can handle any type of joke, but today there’s more Political Correctness and Cancel Culture based on certain jokes that have to do with race, gender, sex, whatever.  I’m not alone on this one as even the comedians themselves have expressed that it’s harder for them to do jokes freely, but I also do see some comedians fighting back for the right to be funny, and those are the comedians I prefer watching.  My personal take on it is, if it’s meant to be a joke, then let’s just enjoy the entertainment, and it’s ok to laugh at ourselves & our flaws which usually are the best jokes anyways.

I also miss how dating used to be. It feels like things have changed so much in recent years, with dating now revolving around apps and online profiles. While things weren’t perfect back then, dating was more about genuine connections—meeting people in person, having real conversations, and letting chemistry develop naturally, rather than swiping left or right based on a picture or quick bio. I remember when online dating first emerged, it felt exciting, like a faster, more convenient way to meet someone, so not totally knocking it, but now, after years of it, it feels like everyone’s jaded. The pressure to present a perfect image online has replaced the excitement of getting to know someone face-to-face. It also feels like dating has become more transactional, not saying it was never in the past, but just feel a lot more on the average now a days. Now being a bit old school myself, I have no problem as a man paying for the first date, however, I don’t want it to be about that or the expectations that I will always pay for everything. Times have changed, and many women today are financially independent and some even doing better then men, which has shifted the dynamics of dating. But other then that part, there’s are areas that I miss, like the days when I could just pull up next to someone while driving and start a conversation, but now, people are often distracted by their phones, and even if you do get attention, you're sometimes labeled a creep. It's not always the case, but it’s harder to approach someone now. With all these challenges, dating just feels more complicated and less rewarding. And it’s not just one-sided—many men have lost their way too, especially those who only seek hookups or forgot how to be gentlemen. It seems like negative energies are bouncing off each other, making it harder for anyone to find meaningful connections. So as a man, that is my personal struggle, and for you women, I know you have yours. It’s brutal out there all around.

I could probably go on further into this topic in other areas, but I think I’ve depressed enough people for one day, including myself lol. 

Essentially, my therapist told me some things that I already knew and other tips to cope with this struggle.

For starters- there's no going back in time, there’s no delorean, and I just need to accept things as they are, which is definitely a tough pill to swallow. But, you need that medicine.

Another tip is to start small by taking gradual steps towards adapting to new technologies or trends. You don’t have to dive into everything at once—start with one thing that interests you.

Next tip is to focus on what you can control. So trying to change the world is nearly impossible but you can control how you respond to it by finding ways to engage in ways that feel authentic to you while respecting the changes around you.

Next, it's important to celebrate the present instead of mourning the past. While there are things I miss about the past, there are also many positives in today's world. For instance, I'm glad that weed is more widely legalized now and no longer carries the same negative stigma. Another positive is the progress in medical treatments, such as advancements in stem cell therapy. Technology like Google Earth and GPS has made it much harder to get lost, which is incredibly helpful. And despite some downsides to the internet, one major benefit is the increased work flexibility, allowing many people to work from anywhere in the world—depending on their profession, of course.

The bottom line, is as I move forward on this journey, I need to recognize that acceptance is crucial, even though it’s not always easy. It’s tough not to long for the past, but I know I need to keep learning that true growth comes from embracing the present.

I’m hopeful that through these therapy sessions, I’ll be able to navigate these emotions and find a balance between honoring the past and fully living in the moment.

Thanks for joining me on this part of my journey, and I’ll catch you next time here at Therapist Point.

Also, don’t forget to follow us, rate us, drop me a question if you want, and visit our website Therapistpoint.com for more articles and resources to getting help.  Good bye everyone!