General Articles

How do you know it's time to go to therapy? Let's cover some essentials first. Starting therapy is not an admission that you're broken, hopeless, or waiving some kind of white flag about your ability to handle your problems on your own. It's the realization that the way you're handling things isn't working.

 As a former therapist, I'm not afraid to admit that the culture often misunderstands therapy. For half, therapy is a shameful admission of defeat and dysfunction. For the other half, therapy is needed to make every small decision or work through every interaction they've had during the day. In reality, therapy is neither. Instead, it’s a valuable tool that has its place in a person's life.

Does Everyone Need Therapy?

No, not everyone needs to participate in therapy to be mentally and emotionally balanced or work out their problems. If you're someone who is thinking about therapy because you simply want "someone to talk to" about your problems, you may be better served by investing your time in finding a peer group. You might also benefit from support groups that offer a more unstructured form of communicating and connecting. For example, people struggling with grief greatly benefit from having a support group. 

If you're considering therapy because you want to get in a specific mindset to meet a goal, a life coach could be a better option. People sometimes seek therapy because they believe that getting over certain mental blocks could help them achieve goals. While breakthroughs in therapy do often translate to breakthroughs in life simply because you know yourself better, life coaching can be more appropriate if you're simply looking for someone to help you build a life plan that's focused more on creating a blueprint instead of addressing deep wounds that are creating self-sabotaging behaviors.

Who Needs Therapy?

 It's important not to overlook the signs when you could truly benefit from therapy. There's no concrete rule for when someone needs to see a therapist. It's not a matter of things getting "bad enough." However, the time to see a therapist is when any type of mental or emotional struggle is affecting your ability to function in daily life. For many people, therapy is necessary to manage an ongoing mental health issue. For example, you may be struggling with depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), or phobias. Therapy can help you better manage these issues. 

People sometimes seek out therapy to help them get through "seasons." This is something I fully support. For example, you may need help getting through a life challenge following a breakup, the death of a parent or loved one, a serious illness, or a job transition. Of course, couples counseling is an important resource that may need to be used at certain points of a relationship when communication is breaking down. 

I can't provide you with a definitive list of circumstances where a person needs to get to therapy. However, there are some pretty clear signs that your mental health is taking a nosedive. You should strongly consider therapy if you're  dealing with any of the following: 

●     Persistent unbalanced mood or behavior changes

●     Difficulty sleeping or changes to your sleep pattern

●     Inability to control emotions

●     Changes to your eating patterns

●     Difficulties at work or school because of a problem you're facing

●     Apathy and loss of interest in the activities you once loved

●     Trouble with relationships

●     Thoughts of self-harm

●     Feelings of being overwhelmed that are making it hard to cope with your daily tasks

●     Feelings of being so stressed and overwhelmed that you cannot breathe property or sit down to rest

●     Struggling to get out of bed in the morning

●     Feelings of anger, rage, and resentment that won't go away

●     Hopelessness and loss of motivation

●     Social withdrawal that keeps you isolated from the family and friends you love

●     Panic attacks

Therapy should be considered if any of the above issues are significantly impacting your daily functioning. For instance, if you are getting in constant arguments with your spouse due to your lack of motivation, then it’s time to consider counseling.

Final Thoughts 

Therapy can be a wonderful thing for those who need it! It can save relationships, help us let go of life seasons we've outgrown, and empower us to know ourselves better. However, the fact is that therapy isn't a magic wand that can solve problems that are outside the scope of your mental and emotional health.

As someone who has worked in mental health, my hope is that you can see therapy as the useful and life-saving tool that it was meant to be without assuming that you don't have the power to take ownership of your life without counseling.

Have you ever heard about the “Sunday Scaries”? They’re the feelings of intense dread that kick in on Sundays when the start of the work week looms. Although Sunday Scaries may be powerful, they’re transitory and usually disappear once Monday is well underway. However, sometimes workplace worries may not pass so easily and stick around every day of the work week. Anxiety generated from one’s employment may even reach such a degree a person’s ability to perform their job becomes impaired.

Note that although anxiety disorders are the most common psychological condition in the US, workplace anxiety is a little different. It tends to decrease on the weekends and days off.

Workplace anxiety can stem from a broad array of causes, but it usually evolves from conflict in working relationships, feelings of being unappreciated, deadlines, job security, overwork, or a toxic working environment.

Symptoms of Work-Related Anxiety

The ways anxiety at work makes itself known varies from person to person, but these are the most common red flags:
-Frequent thoughts of quitting your job
-Feeling trapped with no way out
-Missed deadlines
-Drop in work performance or decrease in productivit
-Feeling tense, pressured
-Problems concentrating

If you have workplace anxiety, you might experience physical symptoms such as:
-Headaches
-Muscle tension
-Fatigue
-Jaw pain
-Insomnia
-Nausea
-Digestive problems, such as Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)

Some emotional symptoms of work anxiety include: Persistent worry, dread, and/or apprehension related to work topics or being at work, feelings of impatience, Increased irritability

Become the Boss of Your Anxiety

Here are a few ideas that may help you reign in anxiety before it gets out of control.

Check and challenge your thoughts

Take an inventory of your beliefs about work and your employment environment. Are there any thoughts you presume are facts that might be getting in your way? Well-established automatic thoughts, perceptions, and judgments that aren’t in line with reality are called cognitive distortions. They are beliefs that seem true to us but are in fact often incorrect and can be the source of anxiety.

Here’s a common cognitive distortion: “My work must be flawless before I submit it. If it isn’t perfect, then it’s worthless.” This is a form of perfectionism. I’ve had to fight this incorrect and deeply rooted cognitive distortion before. Insisting on perfection prevented me from being on time with assignments, which caused me to get behind on my work, which generated debilitating levels of anxiety as more and more overdue work piled up.

Learn to say “no” and set boundaries

It’s easy to spread yourself too thin, especially at work. Are there any activities you can reduce your involvement in? I used to find myself taking on extra work because I was asked if I could help out, not because I needed to or because such work would be helpful to me. Even though declining would have caused me no problems, I still took on extra work simply because I didn’t know how to say no and wasn’t good at setting boundaries.  Remember that prioritizing your time and work isn’t selfish—it’s essential.

Increase movement and practice deep breathing

If your job is partially to completely sedentary, try to increase your movement during the day. You don’t need to race up and down the halls; getting up and taking a short walk and stretching can help. Also, be mindful of your breathing. People tend to breathe shallowly when they’re anxious, which causes carbon dioxide to accumulate. The brain interprets an increase in carbon dioxide as a threat, which leads to your body feeling as if you’re in danger. Obviously, that makes any sense of anxiety much harder to cope with.

Try box breathing - it will increase your oxygen levels while purging excess carbon dioxide. First, inhale slowly through your nose to a count of four. Hold that breath for 4 seconds, then exhale through your nose, again to a count of four. Wait four seconds before taking your next deep inhalation. This is a practice you can do at anytime and anywhere.

Conclusion
Workplace anxiety is unpleasant but can be managed with simple tools like the ones we’ve discussed. Take a good look at your ideas and beliefs about work, set some reasonable and enforceable boundaries, and remember, saying no isn’t selfish.

References
https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/facts-statistics
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/box-breathing-benefits
https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/how-to-recognize-and-tame-your-cognitive-distortions-202205042738

Autumn is well underway, and for millions of people, it’s time to think about the end-of-the-year holidays. Although these festive times can be fun, they’re sometimes a source of anxiety. The American Psychological Association’s latest survey from 2023 indicates that about 41 percent of US adults experience enough stress to interfere with enjoying the holidays.

Holiday Depression

For those who live with depression or other psychological conditions, the holiday stress can aggravate those conditions. That’s because the pressure over the holidays can be tremendous and the stress it provokes is anything but merry.

Holiday Tension & Stress

The sources of holiday tension and stress include all the logistics of getting family together, shopping, expenses, cooking, and many situations unique to each merrymaker. The holidays can also generate loneliness and longing for times and people who have passed away.

This kind of year-end stress struck me as a brand-new counselor. I’d just finished my master’s degree, obtained my license, and snagged my dream job just a few weeks before Thanksgiving—perfect timing to celebrate and relax. I was no longer a flat-broke student; I even had money to spend this year.

And then all the deferred tension and anxiety that had been stuffed down for the prior three years got piled onto the adjustments from student to employee—an employee with no days off for the holidays banked yet. I’d be working through my first holidays as a gainfully employed person.

It seemed like no one close to me understood or sympathized with the anxiety I was feeling. In the eyes of my family, Christmas was coming and I had to be happy because that’s what people are supposed to feel at that time of year. I relaxed only after the holidays were over.

From that experience, I picked up a few holiday stress management techniques you may find useful:

- Manage Expectations
Keep your expectations realistic and don’t set yourself up for disappointment. When it comes to how much you want to take on, stay grounded. Don’t let your wishes exceed your time, money, and peace of mind.

- Learn to Say No
Learning to say no helps you avoid overcommitting yourself, prevents overspending, and helps your boundaries remain intact.

- Set Boundaries and Make Them Stick
Build some limits that work for you. A boundary doesn’t have to be more complex than letting someone know what you will and won’t do.

- Take Care of Yourself
Try to get at least seven to eight hours of sleep a night and be kind to your body. It’s easy to eat and drink too much during the holidays—it’s practically expected! However, relying on alcohol or food for mood improvement can backfire. Although there’s no need to be stingy with holiday treats, avoid excessive consumption.

- Create New Traditions
When things change, like family or friends moving too far away to visit, making new traditions can give you something to look forward to.

Conclusion

The holidays are a source of fun and celebration, but there’s a risk of stress and anxiety getting in the way of good cheer. Remember to take good care of yourself, keep it real with expectations, stay open-minded about new experiences, and make sure to set boundaries to reduce your tension and anxiety during the holiday season.         

References

https://www.nami.org/press-releases/mental-health-and-the-holiday-blues/

https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2023/11/holiday-season-stress#

Anyone who has experienced a bipolar blackout understands the feeling of realizing that their brain has gone "offline" without their knowledge. Blackouts occur when a person experiences a period of memory loss during and after an episode. When they don't recall saying things, doing things, or acting out in specific ways during manic phases, this is what's known as a bipolar blackout. Bipolar blackouts can be terrifying. They leave a person feeling frustrated because they are being told that events and conversations took place by others. It can feel like they are left to pick up the pieces of what they did and said when they were not in control of their own brains. For loved ones of people with bipolar, realizing that events have been "wiped clean" from the other person's memory can be jarring.

Understanding Memory Lapses in Bipolar Disorder

People with bipolar disorder (BD) frequently experience memory lapses. Even people with bipolar who don't experience full blackouts may experience "fuzziness" in their memories and perceptions. Between 40% and 60% of people with bipolar disorder experience memory loss. Why does it happen? Researchers believe that memory loss associated with bipolar disorder is caused by cognitive fatigue. Through brain imaging, researchers have also discovered that areas of the brain in people with BP show variances in brain volume compared to people without BP. This includes a part of the brain called the hippocampus that's in charge of creating new memories and learning. Volume differences have also been noted in the thalamus, prefrontal cortex, and anterior cingulate cortex.

According to a 2023 research article on Cognitive Impairment Mechanism in Patients with Bipolar Disorder, people who are diagnosed with bipolar have cognitive impairments that occur during both the mood episode, as well as during remission. These impairments include deficits in executive function, as well as memory and attention.

The authors also share that researchers’ analysis of visual motor skills, immediate emotional and non-emotional memory, language fluency, delayed emotional processing, and problem-solving revealed that patients with bipolar disorder exhibited deficits in short-term memory and verbal fluency. How to Minimize Bipolar Memory Loss Issues

Fortunately, bipolar memory loss can be managed. In order to prevent bipolar blackouts, it's essential to reduce the occurrence of manic episodes. For the millions of people who are successfully managing their bipolar disorder symptoms, this generally includes close psychiatric monitoring and medication management. It's important for people who are being treated for bipolar disorder to stay on medications to prevent manic episodes and minimize memory loss. Generally, mood stabilizers and antipsychotics that are prescribed to bipolar patients have high success rates for minimizing symptoms. 

cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)

Additionally, therapies that include cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can be successful for helping people with bipolar to manage their condition using behavioral and thought techniques. Research indicates that psychotherapies are effective complements to pharmacotherapy for delaying or preventing episodes of bipolar depression. Some people who are overwhelmed by bipolar symptoms or concerned about hitting a crisis point can benefit from intensive outpatient therapy (IOP) or day hospitalization programs.

Of course, maintaining a healthy, positive lifestyle overall is crucial for properly managing bipolar disorder. Exercising, maintaining a balanced diet full of brain-supporting foods, and reducing alcohol intake can all help people with BP to maintain healthier memories. However, lifestyle changes and holistic treatments that support overall health and well-being create adjunctive benefits only once a person with BD has been stabilized with properly prescribed bipolar medications.

The ongoing conversation you have with yourself every day - self-talk - can motivate and remind you of your strengths and abilities. Other times, it may be like a critic pulling you down with self-doubt. The way you talk to yourself can affect how you view yourself, the world around you and handle problems.

However, paying attention to your thoughts and steering them to positive self-talk can greatly improve your confidence, productivity, and quality of life. Let’s discuss some helpful tips.

How Positive Self-Talk Works 

The essence of positive self-talk is not to ignore reality or embrace self-delusion. Rather, it involves consciously using encouraging and supportive words in thoughts or inner conversations about yourself or your situation.

Interestingly, the human brain is remarkably adaptable and it strengthens the connections it uses most frequently. So, If you have a habit of positive self-talk, that’s what your brain will support and your thoughts will naturally lean to more constructive and empowering thoughts.

I have learned from experience that positive self-talk can be like a supportive friend that helps me face challenges with determination. For example, whenever I experience self-doubt, especially during big transitions, telling myself, “I’ve handled tough situations before, and I can do it again” has provided a sense of calm and confidence. By actively practicing positive self-talk, I noticed a shift not just in my thoughts but also in my actions. I now approach challenges with a mindset of growth rather than fear of failure.

Rewiring Your Inner Dialogue

In reality, an optimistic mindset doesn’t happen overnight. Rewiring your inner dialogue is a process, and like most processes, it requires effort. But with time and consistent practice, positive self-talk becomes more natural.

Here are some helpful tips:

Notice your self-talk
Start by paying attention to the things you say to yourself throughout the day. After all, awareness is the key to making any change. So, check whether your thoughts boost your confidence or encourage self-doubt.

Challenge negative thoughts 
Honestly, not every thought is real. Sometimes, the mind disguises fears and assumptions as facts. Also, dwelling on upsetting events and past mistakes can fuel negative thoughts. So, check the accuracy of your thoughts whether you are overthinking, overreacting, or even overgeneralizing. Most times scrutinizing our negative thoughts helps weaken their influence.

Replace negativity with positivity. 
When your inner voice tells you, “I can’t,” replace it with something like, “I’ll find a way.” Or when your mind tells you “I’m a failure,” tell yourself, “I’m growing, and I’ll get better.” Switching negative phrases with more empowering ones can slowly rewire your brain to think more positively.

Practice Gratitude
According to Plato, a grateful mind is a great mind which eventually attracts to itself great things. Gratitude makes it easier to embrace a positive mindset. Focusing on what’s good, even in the tiniest of things, can help you retrain your brain to see possibilities instead of problems.

Positive Self-Talk Matters

Our thoughts shape our reality. If your inner conversations promote self-doubt and negativity, it can keep you from reaching your full potential and increase stress and anxiety. However, when you consistently practice positive self-talk, you’ll notice changes in your actions and feelings. You will feel more confident, approach challenges with optimism, and when things don’t go perfectly, be more forgiving of yourself. Over time, this change in mindset will help you have better mental health, stronger relationships and a greater sense of fulfilment.

Conclusion 

Rewiring your inner dialogue isn’t just about thinking happy thoughts. Be intentional. With positive self-talk, you become your own biggest supporter and create a more supportive, and compassionate mindset that helps you thrive. That inner support can make all the difference in how you face life’s challenges.

“Did that comment make me sound stupid?” “Why is my friend not getting back to me?” “What if my partner is losing interest?” We overthinkers know the drill. We worry about minor details and worst-case scenarios, read into the behaviors of others, and repeatedly rehash our own mistakes. 

Also called rumination, overthinking is characterized by repetitive, unproductive thinking that is hard to control. Annoying, time-consuming, and exhausting, overthinking is also a risk factor for anxiety and depression (Michl, et. al., 2013).

It’s natural to try to solve life’s problems by thinking of potential solutions. The trouble with overthinking is that it often focuses on things we can’t control, such as past mistakes and other people’s behavior.

How can you tell if you are overthinking?

Here are some common signs: 

●     It’s hard to think about anything else.

●     Instead of having new thoughts, you find yourself rehashing the same thoughts over and over again.

●     You find yourself stuck on negative thought patterns.

●     You second guess yourself.

●     It feels like your brain won’t “shut off.”

Fortunately, there are strategies to help you stop overthinking. While not every strategy will work for everyone, I have found the following to be the most consistently helpful with my patients:

Schedule your overthinking

If you’ve ever tried to stop yourself from overthinking, you know that it often has the opposite effect. Instead of banning overthinking entirely, try postponing it to a specific time and place. Set a timer for 15-20 minutes and let your ruminating mind run wild! When the timer goes off, move on to another activity.

Make use of distractions

We often think of distractions as negative, but distractions can help break the cycle of overthinking. Watch a funny video, listen to an engaging podcast, or talk to a friend or coworker. Go for a walk around the neighborhood or do a Sudoku puzzle. The more mentally demanding the activity, the better!

Challenge negative thoughts with facts

Our brains can trick us into believing all sorts of unfounded things. The next time you find yourself overthinking a situation, ask yourself if there is any factual basis for your thoughts. What are the facts, and what are your feelings and assumptions? By examining the situation objectively, you can counter negative thought patterns with more realistic perspectives.

Write it out

Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you identify negative thought patterns and gain new perspectives. Again, try setting a timer for 15-20 minutes. Try to record your stream-of-consciousness versus getting caught up in proper grammar, spelling, etc. If you find that you are judging your thoughts and emotions, record those judgmental thoughts, then counter them with self-compassion.

Try a little self-compassion

Have you ever noticed that we tend to be our own worst critics? We “say” things to ourselves that we would never say to someone else. Overthinking often includes some degree of self-criticism as we berate ourselves for mistakes and imperfections. Self-compassion helps us reduce the tendency to self-criticize and overthink (Neff, et. al, 2007). The next time you notice that you are overthinking, consider what you would say to a friend in your situation. Then, direct these compassionate words towards yourself! 

Conclusion

Overthinking can be a hard habit to break, but with practice and patience, you can reduce the time you spend rehashing mistakes or worrying about worst-case scenarios. Used consistently, the above strategies can help you effectively manage your overthinking and improve your mental well-being.

 If you need additional help, consider contacting a mental health professional who can provide additional tools, techniques, and insights.

References:

Michl, L.C., McLaughlin, K.A., Shepherd, K., and Nolen-Hoeksema, S. “Rumination as a mechanism linking stressful life events to symptoms of depression and anxiety: Longitudinal evidence in early adolescents and adults.” Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 122(2), 2013.

Neff, Kristin D., Kirkpatrick, Kristin L., and Rude, Stephanie S. “Self-compassion and adaptive psychological functioning.” Journal of Research in Personality, 41(1), 2007.

Procrastination is something many of us struggle with, and it’s a behavior that can feel frustrating, especially when we know what needs to be done but can’t bring ourselves to do it. As a therapist, I’ve encountered countless clients who battle with procrastination, often feeling stuck in a cycle of avoidance, guilt, and stress. What makes procrastination so common, and why do we delay tasks even when we know it’s counterproductive? Let's explore the psychological factors behind procrastination, using real client examples to highlight strategies for overcoming it.

The Roots of Procrastination

Procrastination isn’t simply about poor time management or laziness. In fact, it’s often linked to deeper emotional and psychological causes. Research suggests that procrastination can be a form of emotional regulation, where we avoid tasks that trigger discomfort, anxiety, or fear. This means procrastination is more about managing emotions than managing time. Here are some common psychological reasons for procrastination:

Fear of Failure:
Many people procrastinate because they fear they won’t be able to complete a task to a high standard, so they put it off to avoid confronting that fear. One client of mine, a college student named “Jennifer”, would constantly delay writing her term papers. She would tell herself, “I’ll do it tomorrow,” but tomorrow always came with a new excuse. Through our sessions, we uncovered that her fear of not being “good enough” was at the heart of her procrastination. She feared that her writing wouldn’t meet her professor’s expectations, so she avoided starting altogether.

Overcoming It:
To help Jennifer overcome this, we used Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to challenge her negative thoughts about failure. I encouraged her to break the task into small, manageable pieces, starting with just writing an outline. Once she took the first step, the anxiety began to lessen. She also learned to accept that her first draft didn’t have to be perfect — it just needed to exist. By reframing her thoughts about failure, she slowly gained the confidence to tackle tasks sooner.

Perfectionism:
Perfectionism is closely related to the fear of failure but comes with the added pressure of feeling that everything must be done flawlessly. Procrastinators who struggle with perfectionism often delay tasks because they’re waiting for the “perfect” moment when they’ll have the energy, clarity, or time to do it exactly right. I once worked with a client, “James”, a graphic designer, who would avoid starting projects because he was overwhelmed by the need to create something flawless. He would spend hours envisioning the final product but struggled to begin. His procrastination wasn’t due to laziness but rather the paralyzing thought of creating something less than perfect.

Overcoming It:
To help James, we worked on practicing self-compassion and accepting that “done is better than perfect.” He began setting time limits for his work to push through the initial phase of a project, even if he wasn’t completely satisfied with it. Over time, James learned to embrace imperfection, which freed him from the self-imposed pressure that had been holding him back.

Task Aversion:
Sometimes, procrastination happens because we find a particular task unpleasant, boring, or stressful. For many of my clients, tasks like filing taxes, doing household chores, or writing reports become sources of procrastination because they evoke negative emotions. One client, Amy, would avoid doing her monthly finances because it triggered feelings of overwhelm. The mere thought of looking at her bills would make her anxious, so she put it off until the last minute, often missing payment deadlines.

Overcoming It:
In “Amy’s” case, we used the Pomodoro Technique, a time management method where tasks are broken into 25-minute intervals, followed by a 5-minute break. I suggested she set a timer and work on her finances for just 25 minutes, reassuring her that she could take a break afterward. This helped her approach the task in smaller, less intimidating increments, reducing her overall stress. Over time, the task became less daunting, and she was able to complete it without the emotional weight.

Emotional Avoidance and Stress:
Procrastination often stems from a desire to avoid uncomfortable emotions. When tasks evoke stress or negative feelings, it’s easier to distract ourselves with more pleasurable activities. For some, procrastination is a way to temporarily escape feelings of inadequacy, frustration, or anxiety. A client named “Mark” came to therapy because he was avoiding making career decisions. He felt stuck in a job he disliked but avoided taking steps to make a change because of the fear and uncertainty associated with job hunting.

Overcoming It:
For Mark, we used Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to address the avoidance. We worked on accepting uncomfortable emotions, rather than running from them. I helped him identify his core values, which included personal growth and career satisfaction. By focusing on these values, Mark began to take small steps toward his career goals, acknowledging that discomfort was part of the process but didn’t have to dictate his actions.

Practical Strategies to Combat Procrastination

If you’re struggling with procrastination, here are some strategies that have been effective for my clients:

1. Break Tasks Down:
   Large tasks can feel overwhelming. Breaking them into smaller, more manageable steps can reduce anxiety and make it easier to start.
   
   
2. Set Time Limits:
   Use the Pomodoro Technique or simply set a timer for 15 or 30 minutes. Allow yourself to work on the task for that set time, knowing that you can stop afterward if needed.
   
   
3. Challenge Negative Thoughts:
   Be aware of any negative thoughts driving your procrastination. Are you afraid of failure or perfectionism? Challenge these thoughts by reframing them. Remind yourself that progress, not perfection, is the goal.
   
   
4. Practice Self-Compassion:
   Be kind to yourself when you procrastinate. Harsh self-criticism only leads to more avoidance. Acknowledge that procrastination is a common struggle and that you’re working to improve.
   
   
5. Reward Yourself:
   Once you’ve completed a task or made progress, reward yourself. Positive reinforcement can help build motivation for future tasks.

Conclusion
Procrastination is a complex issue, often rooted in deep psychological processes. Whether it’s driven by fear of failure, perfectionism, or emotional avoidance, the good news is that it can be managed with the right tools and support. As a therapist, I’ve seen my clients make incredible progress by addressing the underlying emotional and cognitive barriers that fuel procrastination. By recognizing the reasons behind procrastination and applying practical strategies, it’s possible to break the cycle and take control of your time — and your life.

If you find yourself struggling with procrastination, remember that it’s not a character flaw or laziness. With self-awareness and the right support, you can overcome it.

The Effects of Social Media on Mental Well-Being

In today’s digital age, social media has become an integral part of our lives. Platforms like Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok connect us to friends, family, and global communities, but they also raise important questions about mental health. Understanding this duality is crucial for cultivating a healthy relationship with social media.

The Positive Aspects

1. Connection and Community: One of the most significant benefits of social media is the ability to connect with others. For those who may feel isolated, especially during challenging times, social media can provide a sense of belonging and support. Online communities can offer encouragement, share experiences, and create friendships that transcend geographical boundaries.

2. Access to Information: Social media is a powerful tool for mental health awareness. It allows individuals to access information about mental health resources, coping strategies, and personal stories that can inspire and educate. Campaigns promoting mental health initiatives often gain traction through social media, helping to reduce stigma.

3. Creative Expression: Many find solace in expressing themselves through social media. Whether it’s through art, writing, or sharing personal stories, creative outlets can be therapeutic. Platforms that encourage creativity can foster positive mental health and provide a space for self-discovery.
   
   

The Negative Effects

1. Comparison and Self-Esteem: While social media can highlight our achievements, it often leads to unhealthy comparisons. Seeing curated glimpses of others’ lives can cause feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. This comparison culture can be particularly detrimental to young users still forming their self-image.

2. Cyberbullying and Harassment: The anonymity of the internet can lead to negative interactions, including cyberbullying. Victims of online harassment may experience increased anxiety, depression, and feelings of isolation. Addressing and combating cyberbullying is vital for protecting mental health in the digital space.

3. Addiction and Overuse: Excessive social media use can contribute to anxiety and depression. The constant need for validation through likes and comments can create a cycle of dependence. It’s essential to recognize when social media use becomes compulsive and to establish healthy boundaries.
   
   

Tips for Managing Social Media Use

1. Set Boundaries: Determine how much time you want to spend on social media each day. Consider using apps that track your usage and send reminders when you exceed your limit.

2. Curate Your Feed: Follow accounts that inspire and uplift you. Unfollow or mute accounts that contribute to negative feelings or comparisons. Your online environment should reflect positivity and support.

3. Engage Mindfully: Before scrolling, take a moment to assess your feelings. Are you using social media to escape, or is it a way to connect? Mindful engagement can help you use social media in a more intentional way.

4. Take Breaks: Don’t hesitate to take a step back from social media when you feel overwhelmed. A digital detox can help you reconnect with the real world and focus on self-care.

5. Seek Support: If you’re struggling with the impact of social media on your mental health, consider talking to a therapist. They can provide personalized strategies to help you navigate these challenges.

Conclusion

Social media is a double-edged sword. While it offers connection and support, it can also lead to negative mental health outcomes. By understanding its impact and implementing healthy strategies, we can harness the benefits of social media while minimizing its potential harms. Remember, your mental health matters, and creating a positive digital space is a vital step toward overall well-being.

If you’re looking for additional resources or support, don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional. Together, we can foster a healthier relationship with social media.

Exploring how emotional intelligence (EQ) plays a role in relationships, leadership, and personal success.

In my years as a therapist, I’ve had the privilege of working with individuals from all walks of life, each bringing their unique emotional landscapes to our sessions. Some have come to me overwhelmed by stress at work, others seeking to repair fractured relationships, and many hoping to find balance in the chaos of daily life. One thing I’ve noticed over and over is that those who possess higher emotional intelligence—or EQ—often fare better not only in managing their emotions but in navigating life’s complex social and professional dynamics.

Emotional intelligence is not just a buzzword; it’s a scientifically validated framework for understanding and managing our emotions in ways that lead to healthier relationships, more effective leadership, and greater personal success. The concept, popularized by psychologist Daniel Goleman, is defined by five key components: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills (Goleman, 1995). In this article, I’ll explore how these components play out in real-world scenarios, drawing from both research and my own therapeutic experiences.

Emotional Intelligence in Relationships

One of my clients, let’s call her Sarah, came to me struggling with feelings of isolation in her marriage. She couldn’t understand why small arguments with her spouse would escalate into full-blown fights. As we worked through these moments in therapy, it became clear that a lack of emotional intelligence was at the heart of the issue. Sarah wasn’t aware of how her own emotional triggers were influencing her responses to her partner. Without self-awareness, she couldn’t regulate her emotions, and without regulation, empathy became harder to access.

We began working on her self-awareness by having her track her emotions and reactions to stressors throughout the week. Slowly, Sarah started to notice patterns—how fatigue or frustration at work would often spill into her conversations at home. With this newfound awareness, she could then focus on self-regulation—learning techniques to pause, breathe, and respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively. Over time, her empathy for her spouse grew, and they began communicating more effectively, resolving conflicts with compassion rather than defensiveness.

This experience highlights the critical role emotional intelligence plays in relationships. People with high EQ are better able to understand their own emotional states and, in turn, relate more empathetically to others. Empathy allows us to step into someone else’s shoes and see things from their perspective, which fosters deeper connections and more harmonious interactions (Schutte et al., 2001).

Emotional Intelligence in Leadership

Leaders who possess emotional intelligence are often more successful at inspiring, managing, and motivating their teams. One of my clients, a mid-level manager named John, was struggling to connect with his employees. He was a brilliant strategist but felt like his team didn’t respect him, and he couldn’t figure out why.

After a few sessions, it became clear that while John excelled in technical skills, his emotional intelligence was underdeveloped. He had difficulty recognizing when his own stress impacted his leadership style, which led him to be abrupt or dismissive without realizing it. His employees felt unheard and unappreciated, which was eroding team morale.

We focused on developing social skills, one of the core elements of EQ. John began practicing active listening and worked on his self-regulation by checking in with his emotions before meetings. When he felt his stress levels rising, he would pause, breathe, and reset his approach. By actively engaging his team with empathy and patience, John was able to rebuild trust, and in turn, his team’s productivity improved (Caruso & Salovey, 2004).

This is a common scenario in leadership. Emotional intelligence in the workplace fosters better teamwork, enhances communication, and allows leaders to build a supportive environment where people feel valued. Self-regulation and empathy are essential for leaders to maintain their composure under pressure and keep their teams motivated, while strong social skills help them manage relationships and conflicts effectively (Goleman, 2000).

Emotional Intelligence and Personal Success

Beyond relationships and leadership, emotional intelligence is often a key driver of personal success. People with high EQ tend to perform better under stress, navigate challenges with resilience, and maintain a balanced outlook on life. In therapy, I’ve seen firsthand how developing emotional intelligence can transform lives.

Take, for example, a young entrepreneur I worked with named Alex. Alex was brilliant but frequently found himself overwhelmed by anxiety and self-doubt. He would often set lofty goals but crumble under the pressure of achieving them. During our sessions, we explored the emotional roots of his anxiety and focused on building self-awareness and motivation—two key components of EQ (Bar-On, 2006).

By increasing his self-awareness, Alex learned to recognize when negative thoughts were clouding his judgment and derailing his progress. He also began to tap into intrinsic motivation—the internal drive that comes from a personal sense of purpose rather than external validation (Zeidner et al., 2009). This shift allowed Alex to approach his goals with clarity and confidence, which helped him achieve personal and professional milestones he had previously thought impossible.

Research supports the idea that emotional intelligence is crucial for success. Studies show that people with high EQ are more likely to achieve their goals, manage stress effectively, and build lasting relationships—all of which are essential for long-term fulfillment (Salovey & Mayer, 1990). Motivation, especially when coupled with emotional regulation, helps individuals stay focused on their objectives and push through obstacles without becoming overwhelmed.

Conclusion: Cultivating Emotional Intelligence

As a therapist, I’ve seen the profound impact that emotional intelligence can have on people’s lives. Whether it’s helping a couple improve their communication, guiding a leader to inspire their team, or empowering an individual to overcome self-doubt, EQ is often the key that unlocks lasting change.

The good news is that emotional intelligence is not fixed—it can be developed and strengthened over time. By practicing self-awareness, regulating emotions, cultivating empathy, and honing social skills, anyone can improve their emotional intelligence and, in turn, enhance their relationships, leadership abilities, and personal success (Goleman, 1995).

If there’s one takeaway from my work with clients, it’s that the journey toward emotional intelligence is both deeply personal and universally transformative. As you become more aware of your emotions and how they influence your behavior, you begin to unlock the potential for more meaningful connections and a more fulfilled life. Emotional intelligence isn’t just about managing emotions—it’s about thriving in every aspect of life, from the boardroom to the living room.

References:

1. Goleman, Daniel. Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. Bantam Books, 1995.
2. Salovey, Peter, and John D. Mayer. "Emotional Intelligence." Imagination, Cognition, and Personality, 9(3), 1990.
3. Schutte, Nicola S., et al. "Emotional Intelligence and Interpersonal Relations." The Journal of Social Psychology, 141(4), 2001.
4. Caruso, David R., and Peter Salovey. The Emotionally Intelligent Manager: How to Develop and Use the Four Key Emotional Skills of Leadership. Jossey-Bass, 2004.
5. Bar-On, Reuven. "The Bar-On Model of Emotional-Social Intelligence (ESI)." Psicothema, 2006.
6. Zeidner, Moshe, Gerald Matthews, and Richard D. Roberts. What We Know About Emotional Intelligence: How It Affects Learning, Work, Relationships, and Our Mental Health. MIT Press, 2009.
7. Goleman, Daniel. "Leadership That Gets Results." Harvard Business Review, March-April 2000.

Understanding Anger

Anger is a natural and often powerful emotion that everyone experiences from time to time. While it's a normal response to perceived threats or injustices, uncontrolled anger can have detrimental effects on both your physical health and personal relationships. To help you manage your anger and foster a more balanced emotional state, here are several effective strategies, drawn from expert advice and research.

1. Pause and Breathe

When anger strikes, taking a moment to pause and focus on your breathing can be incredibly effective. Deep, slow breaths help activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes relaxation and reduces the immediate physical symptoms of anger, such as increased heart rate and muscle tension. By consciously breathing in through your nose and exhaling slowly through your mouth, you give yourself the space to calm down and think more clearly. This practice not only helps in reducing immediate anger but also prevents you from making impulsive decisions that you might regret later.

Incorporating breathing exercises into your daily routine, such as during moments of stress or before engaging in potentially triggering situations, can enhance your ability to stay calm under pressure. Over time, this can lead to a more mindful and controlled approach to managing your emotions.

2. Identify Triggers

Understanding what specifically triggers your anger is crucial for effective management. Triggers can be people, situations, or even specific behaviors that cause you to feel enraged. For instance, you might become angry when someone interrupts you, when you experience unfair treatment, or when you're faced with unexpected obstacles. By identifying these triggers, you can take proactive steps to address them or avoid them if possible.

Keeping an anger journal can be a useful tool in this process. Write down the instances when you feel angry, noting the context and what specifically set off your anger. Over time, patterns may emerge that reveal underlying issues or recurring triggers. This insight allows you to develop targeted strategies to handle these situations more calmly and effectively.

3. Use Relaxation Techniques

Incorporating relaxation techniques such as mindfulness, meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation into your routine can significantly reduce stress and enhance emotional well-being. Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment without judgment, which can help you become more aware of your emotional responses and gain better control over them. Meditation, on the other hand, allows you to center your mind and achieve a state of calm.

Progressive muscle relaxation involves systematically tensing and then relaxing different muscle groups in your body. This technique helps release physical tension associated with anger and promotes a sense of overall relaxation. By regularly practicing these techniques, you can develop a greater sense of calm and resilience, making it easier to manage anger when it arises.

4. Express Yourself Calmly

Effective communication is a cornerstone of managing anger and resolving conflicts. When you express yourself calmly, you reduce the risk of escalating the situation and promote a more productive dialogue. Start by using "I" statements to convey your feelings and needs without placing blame on others. For example, instead of saying "You never listen to me," try "I feel frustrated when I don’t feel heard."

Active listening is also an important aspect of effective communication. Make an effort to truly understand the other person's perspective and respond thoughtfully. This approach not only helps resolve conflicts but also strengthens your relationships by fostering mutual respect and understanding.

5. Take a Timeout

When emotions run high, taking a timeout can be one of the most effective strategies for managing anger. Stepping away from a heated situation allows you to cool down and gain perspective. During this break, engage in a calming activity such as taking a walk, listening to soothing music, or practicing deep breathing.

A timeout doesn't mean avoiding the issue or ignoring the problem. Instead, it provides a temporary distance that enables you to return to the situation with a clearer, more balanced mindset. By addressing the issue calmly and thoughtfully, you increase the likelihood of finding a constructive solution.

6. Engage in Physical Activity

Physical activity is a powerful outlet for releasing built-up tension and stress. Exercise helps to reduce levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, and increases the production of endorphins, which are natural mood lifters. Whether it’s going for a run, participating in a sport, or practicing yoga, engaging in regular physical activity can improve your overall mood and provide a healthy way to manage anger.

Incorporating exercise into your routine doesn’t have to be time-consuming or intense. Even short, daily sessions of moderate activity can make a significant difference in your emotional well-being. Find activities that you enjoy and make them a regular part of your life to help maintain balance and manage stress effectively.

7. Challenge Negative Thoughts

Anger often arises from irrational or exaggerated thoughts that distort your perception of a situation. Cognitive restructuring, or changing the way you think, can help you address these distorted thoughts and reduce the intensity of your anger. Start by identifying any negative or irrational thoughts that contribute to your anger, such as "This is completely unfair" or "Everything is going wrong."

Once you’ve recognized these thoughts, challenge their validity by asking yourself if they are based on facts or assumptions. Reframe your thinking to adopt a more balanced and realistic perspective. For example, instead of thinking "This is always happening to me," try "This is a challenging situation, but I can handle it."

8. Develop Healthy Outlets

Engaging in hobbies, creative activities, or other enjoyable pursuits provides a constructive way to manage stress and express yourself. Activities such as painting, playing a musical instrument, gardening, or crafting can offer a positive distraction and help you release pent-up emotions. These outlets not only improve your mood but also provide a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.

Finding activities that you are passionate about can enhance your overall well-being and give you a healthy way to cope with stress. Regularly engaging in these activities can help you maintain emotional balance and resilience, making it easier to handle challenging situations.

9. Seek Professional Help

If you find that anger issues persist or feel overwhelming, seeking help from a therapist or counselor can be highly beneficial. Professional support offers valuable tools and strategies for addressing underlying issues that may contribute to your anger. Therapists can provide a safe space to explore your emotions and work through any unresolved issues that may be impacting your ability to manage anger effectively.

Therapy can also help you develop personalized coping strategies and improve your emotional resilience. By working with a mental health professional, you can gain insights into your behavior and learn new skills to handle anger in a healthier manner.

Conclusion

Managing anger effectively involves a combination of self-awareness, practical strategies, and healthy habits. By implementing these techniques, you can better control your emotions, improve your overall well-being, and build stronger, more positive relationships. Remember, mastering your emotions is a continuous journey, and seeking support when needed is a vital part of that process.