Personal Stories

Bipolar Disorder and Relationships By the Numbers

• Studies show that up to 60% of people with bipolar disorder experience relationship conflicts during manic episodes.
• Research indicates that emotional withdrawal from a partner can trigger depressive spirals in bipolar individuals within 48-72 hours.
• Nearly 90% of people with untreated bipolar disorder report feeling abandoned when loved ones disengage during episodes.
• Couples where one partner has bipolar disorder face divorce rates nearly three times higher than the general population.

The Kitchen Floor Incident

I still remember the first session after Tom tried ignoring Sarah during one of her episodes. They'd been married for three years when they came to see me, and Tom thought he had developed a strategy for managing the chaos. He was about to learn otherwise.
He described how it started on a Tuesday morning—Sarah had been up since 3 AM reorganizing their entire kitchen, talking rapidly about starting five different business ventures, her eyes bright with that manic energy Tom had come to recognize. By noon, she was angry at him for not sharing her enthusiasm about converting their garage into a pottery studio, despite neither of them knowing anything about pottery.
"You never support me!" she'd shouted, and Tom felt that familiar exhaustion settle into his bones. He'd read online that you can't reason with mania, that sometimes the best thing is to not engage. So he didn't. He walked away, went to his office, closed the door, and put on his headphones.
That was his first mistake.
An hour later, he heard crashing sounds from the kitchen. Sarah had thrown every dish from the newly organized cabinets onto the floor. She was sitting in the middle of the broken ceramic, sobbing uncontrollably. The mania had flipped to despair in the span of sixty minutes, and Tom's silence had been gasoline on that fire.
"You don't care if I exist," she'd whispered when he rushed in. "You just walked away like I'm nothing."
As Tom recounted this to me, I could see the guilt written across his face. He'd realized that ignoring Sarah hadn't been the neutral act he thought it was. To Sarah, in that vulnerable, dysregulated state, his silence was abandonment. It was confirmation of every fear the bipolar disorder whispered to her during her darkest moments.

Learning the Difference Between Disengaging and Disappearing

Over the next several months of therapy, Tom and Sarah began to understand the complicated truth: sometimes a modified version of "ignoring" was exactly what Sarah needed, and sometimes it absolutely wasn't. The difference was in the details.
Tom described an incident about six months into our work together, during a hypomanic episode where Sarah decided at 10 PM that they needed to drive three hours to the beach immediately. When Tom said no, she became belligerent, accusing him of being controlling, boring, suffocating her spirit. This time, instead of walking away silently, Tom said, "I love you, but I'm not going to the beach tonight. I'm going to be in the living room if you need me." Then he left the room.
The key difference? He'd communicated clearly before disengaging. He'd set a boundary without disappearing.
Sarah raged for another twenty minutes. Tom could hear her on the phone trying to find friends to go with her, ranting about how terrible he was. Every instinct told him to march back in there and defend himself, but we'd been working on understanding that was futile. So he sat on the couch, fighting the urge to engage, and waited.
Eventually, Sarah came out, deflated, and curled up next to him. "I'm sorry," she mumbled. "I don't know why I get like this." In that moment, Tom's earlier "ignoring" had actually worked—but only because he'd first acknowledged her and set a clear boundary rather than simply vanishing.

The Crisis That Changed Everything

The worst experience with the silent treatment happened during a depressive episode, and it brought them both back to my office in crisis. Sarah had been in bed for four days, barely eating, not showering. Tom was frustrated and scared. He'd tried everything—gentle encouragement, offering to do things together, bringing her favorite foods. Nothing worked. So, in his exhaustion, he just stopped trying. He stopped checking on her every few hours. He stopped bringing meals. He thought maybe if he gave her space, she'd snap out of it.
Instead, Sarah attempted suicide.
Tom found her in time, thank God, but as we processed this trauma in our sessions, he understood with brutal clarity that ignoring someone in a depressive episode isn't giving them space—it's confirming their belief that they're a burden, that they're unlovable, that the world would be better off without them.
I shared with them both something I tell many of my clients: "Bipolar disorder is the brain lying to someone about reality. When you go silent, you're not disproving those lies—you're letting them become the only voice your partner hears."
This was our turning point in therapy.

Building Supportive Boundaries

After that crisis, Tom and Sarah learned the critical distinction between disengaging and abandoning. Disengaging from an unproductive argument or refusing to participate in manic schemes isn't the same as ignoring the person. It's about setting boundaries while maintaining connection.
During Sarah's next manic episode, when she wanted to drain their savings to invest in cryptocurrency at 2 AM, Tom didn't just walk away. He said, "I can see you're really excited about this, and we can talk about investment strategies when we're both rested, but I'm not making any financial decisions tonight. I'm here if you want to watch TV together, but I'm done discussing money for now." He stayed present but firm.
Sarah was angry, but she knew Tom hadn't left her. He'd just left the argument.
The approach that worked best evolved into what I call "supportive boundaries." During hypomanic episodes, Tom would acknowledge Sarah's feelings and ideas without agreeing to participate in harmful behaviors. "I hear that you want to start a business. Let's write down all your ideas, and we can review them with your doctor next week." This validated her without enabling the mania.
During depressive episodes, Tom learned never to go silent, but also not to push too hard. He'd stick his head in the bedroom every couple of hours. "I made soup. It's here if you want it." "I'm doing laundry. Want me to change your sheets?" Small touches that said, "I'm here, you matter, you're not alone," without demanding she perform happiness for him.

The Middle Path Forward

What Tom wishes he'd known from the beginning is that ignoring someone with bipolar disorder—truly going silent and withdrawing—almost never helps. But that doesn't mean you have to engage with every irrational thought or dangerous impulse. The middle path is acknowledging the person while declining to participate in the disorder's demands.
Tom also learned to ignore certain things strategically. When Sarah was stable and made a comment about something she'd done during an episode, he didn't relitigate it. When she was slightly irritable but functional, he didn't treat every mood fluctuation like an incoming episode. There's a difference between helpful vigilance and exhausting hypervigilance.
The other crucial element we worked on was ensuring Sarah never faced episodes alone, but also not making Tom her only support. We built a team: her psychiatrist, her individual therapist, a few trusted friends who understood her condition, a crisis hotline number, and eventually a support group for people with bipolar disorder. When Tom needed to disengage from a difficult moment, Sarah had other people to reach out to. His stepping back didn't mean she was abandoned.

Lessons from the Therapy Room

Looking back over three years of working with Tom and Sarah now, I can say that the sessions following times when Tom "ignored" Sarah in the traditional sense—went silent, withdrew emotionally, stopped engaging entirely—those were our most difficult. The sessions following times when he set boundaries while staying present, those were when we all saw the most growth.
If you're loving someone with bipolar disorder and wondering whether ignoring them will help, my professional answer is this: ignore the disorder's demands, but never ignore the person. Ignore the 3 AM business plans, but not the person who needs to know you're still there. Ignore the irrational accusations, but not the underlying fear of abandonment. Ignore the impulse to fight about delusions, but not the human being who needs your steady presence.
The paradox is that sometimes the most loving thing you can do is walk away from an argument, but you have to walk toward something else—your own self-care, a calm space to regroup—not away from the relationship itself. And you have to make that distinction crystal clear to your partner.
Sarah's bipolar disorder is part of their marriage, but it's not their whole marriage. Tom and Sarah have learned to dance around it together rather than let it choreograph everything. And the most important step in that dance isn't ignoring each other—it's staying in rhythm even when the music gets chaotic.
As their therapist, I've watched them transform from a couple on the brink of divorce to partners who understand that love doesn't mean fixing everything—it means showing up, setting healthy boundaries, and never confusing silence with space. That's the lesson I hope every couple dealing with bipolar disorder can learn before the crisis hits.

OCD Flare-ups By The Numbers

67% - Percentage of people with OCD who report experiencing at least one major flare-up per year, often triggered by stress or life changes.

2-12 weeks - Average duration of an OCD flare-up when treated with evidence-based therapy like ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention).

40% - Increase in compulsion frequency during a typical flare-up compared to baseline symptoms.

3-6 months - How long untreated flare-ups can persist without professional intervention or proper coping strategies.

What Actually Happens During a Flare-up? 

I'll never forget the morning Davonte showed up to my office wearing the same shirt he'd worn to our previous three sessions. Not because he was particularly attached to it, but because he'd been trapped in a checking ritual for forty-seven minutes that morning and grabbed the first thing he could find just to make it out the door. He collapsed into the chair across from me, exhausted before his day had even begun, and asked the question I've heard countless times over my fifteen years as an OCD specialist: "How long is this going to last?"

If only I could give everyone a simple answer—a neat timeline with a beginning, middle, and end. But OCD flare-ups are about as predictable as my Aunt Rosa's stories at Thanksgiving dinner: you know they're going somewhere, you're just not sure when they'll get there or how many tangents they'll take along the way.

The truth is, OCD flare-ups can last anywhere from a few days to several months, and understanding why requires us to look at what's actually happening during these intensification periods.

Think of OCD as that one smoke alarm in your house that goes off every time you make toast. It's doing its job—alerting you to potential danger—but it's wildly miscalibrated. During a flare-up, that alarm doesn't just get louder; it starts going off when you think about making toast, when you walk past the toaster, when you see bread.

I remember Xiomara, a brilliant 28-year-old software engineer who came to see me during what she called her "hand-washing apocalypse." Her contamination fears had been manageable for years—present, but not debilitating. Then her roommate got the flu, and suddenly Xiomara was washing her hands sixty to eighty times a day. Her knuckles were cracked and bleeding. She'd started wearing gloves inside her own apartment.

"It's like my brain is screaming at me that everything is contaminated," she told me, tears streaming down her face. "And I know—I know—it's irrational, but the fear feels so real."

What could have helped Xiomara de-escalate earlier? Recognition and immediate intervention. The moment she noticed herself adding extra hand-washing sessions, that was the time to double down on her exposure exercises rather than accommodate the anxiety. We worked on having her intentionally touch "contaminated" surfaces and delay washing—starting with just thirty seconds and gradually building up. Her flare-up, which had already been going strong for six weeks when she came to see me, began to subside within two weeks of consistent exposure work.

The Variable Timeline: Why So Much Uncertainty? 

During my internship, my supervisor told me that asking "how long will this last?" is like asking "how long is a piece of string?" It annoyed me then—I wanted concrete answers to give my clients—but now I understand the wisdom in it.

Flare-ups vary wildly because they're influenced by a perfect storm of factors: stress levels, life transitions, how quickly someone seeks help, what treatment approaches they're using, and sometimes just the chaotic randomness of brain chemistry deciding to throw a party nobody wanted to attend.

Take Remy, a 45-year-old accountant and father of two, who experienced what he described as "the worst four months of my life" when his company announced layoffs. His checking compulsions, which had been relatively mild, exploded. He'd check the locks on his car seventeen times before leaving the parking lot. He'd return home three times during his morning commute to verify he'd turned off the stove—even on mornings when he hadn't cooked breakfast.

"I was spending an extra two hours a day just... checking things," Remy said, shaking his head. "I knew my house wasn't going to burn down. I knew my car was locked. But I couldn't stop."

What could have helped Remy? Stress management and maintaining his ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) practice. When life gets stressful, that's actually when we need our OCD management tools most, but it's also when we're most likely to abandon them. If Remy had recognized the connection between his work stress and his OCD escalation, and immediately sought support or returned to his coping strategies, his four-month flare-up might have been four weeks instead.

The Sneaky Truth About Accommodation 

Here's something that might surprise you: one of the biggest predictors of how long a flare-up lasts isn't the severity of the obsessions—it's how much we accommodate them.

Priya, a 19-year-old college student, came to see me in the middle of her sophomore year. She'd developed an intense fear that she might accidentally say something offensive and not realize it. She started recording all her conversations on her phone, then spending hours each evening reviewing them, checking for any potential slips.

"My roommate thinks I'm studying when I'm wearing headphones," she told me with a half-smile that didn't reach her eyes. "I'm actually listening to myself order a coffee from this morning, making sure I didn't accidentally say something racist to the barista."

Her flare-up had been building for three months and showed no signs of stopping. Why? Because every time she reviewed a recording, she was telling her brain that the threat was real and needed to be checked. She was, inadvertently, throwing gasoline on the fire.

The intervention that helped Priya? Deleting the recordings without listening to them and sitting with the uncertainty of not knowing. It was brutal at first—her anxiety spiked significantly. But within three weeks of stopping the accommodation, her obsessive thoughts began to lose their grip. Within two months, the flare-up had resolved almost entirely.

When Flare-ups Become the New Normal

Sometimes I see people who don't even realize they're in a flare-up anymore because it's lasted so long it's become their baseline. That's what happened with Jamal, a 52-year-old high school teacher who'd been experiencing intrusive violent thoughts for over a year.

"I thought this was just... who I am now," he told me during our first session. He'd stopped watching the news, stopped attending his son's basketball games (too many people, too many opportunities for something terrible to happen), stopped living any semblance of the life he'd had before.

The hardest part of my job is telling someone like Jamal that they've been suffering unnecessarily for months—that with proper treatment, things could have improved much sooner. But the beautiful part? Showing them that even after a year-long flare-up, recovery is still absolutely possible.

With Jamal, we started slowly—exposure therapy combined with ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) techniques. We worked on him accepting the presence of the thoughts without judging them or himself. Within three months, he was back at basketball games. Within six months, he was coaching a summer debate program.

So, What's the Actual Answer?  

If you're in the middle of a flare-up right now, reading this and desperately wanting me to just give you a number, here's what I can tell you: most flare-ups, when properly addressed with evidence-based treatment, begin to improve within two to six weeks and can resolve within two to three months.

But—and this is crucial—untreated flare-ups can last significantly longer. I've seen them persist for six months, a year, or even longer when people wait to seek help or when they cope by accommodating their compulsions.

The good news? You have more control over the duration than you might think. Seeking help early, maintaining your ERP practices (especially when you don't feel like it), managing stress, and resisting the urge to accommodate your OCD can all significantly shorten a flare-up's lifespan.

Think of it like a fire: a small flame is much easier to extinguish than a raging inferno. The moment you notice your OCD starting to ramp up—that's your moment to act, not to wait and see if it gets better on its own.

Every person I've mentioned in this article got through their flare-up. Davonte eventually made it out the door in under ten minutes most mornings. Xiomara's hands healed. Remy stopped driving home to check the stove. Priya deleted her recording app. Jamal went back to living his life.

And if you're struggling right now, you can get through this too. The flare-up won't last forever—even though it absolutely feels like it will—and there are proven ways to help it end sooner rather than later. Sometimes you just need someone in your corner who understands that your brain's smoke alarm is broken, and who can help you learn to make toast anyway.

After twenty-three years as an addiction counselor, I've sat across from hundreds of individuals whose lives have been dismantled by gambling. The chairs in my office have held successful businesspeople, college students, retirees, and single parents—all united by the devastating grip of an addiction that society often minimizes. Unlike substance abuse, gambling addiction leaves no physical scars until the damage runs deep. I've watched marriages dissolve, careers crumble, and futures evaporate. What haunts me most is the profound shame and isolation my patients carry, often hiding their addiction for years, believing they could win it all back with just one more bet. These are their stories, shared with permission, in hopes that someone reading might recognize themselves or a loved one and seek help before it's too late.

The Hidden Epidemic: Understanding the Scope

The statistics surrounding gambling addiction reveal how widespread this problem has become:

* Approximately 2 million adults in the United States meet criteria for severe gambling disorder annually, with another 4 to 6 million experiencing mild or moderate problems.

* Problem gamblers face suicide rates up to fifteen times higher than the general population.

* Average gambling debt ranges from $55,000 to $90,000 for men and around $15,000 for women.

* Only about 10 percent of people with gambling disorders ever seek treatment, leaving the vast majority suffering in silence.

Luther: The Trusted Comptroller Who Lost Everything

Luther came to me at fifty-four, referred by his attorney after embezzling $340,000 from the construction company where he'd worked as a comptroller for eighteen years. He'd been the trusted right hand of the owner, a childhood friend who'd given him the job when Luther's previous employer downsized. What started as occasional weekend trips to the casino became nightly online poker sessions, then sports betting throughout every game, every season, every league he could find. Luther described the progression with chilling precision: first he borrowed from his 401k, then maxed out credit cards, then took a second mortgage without telling his wife. When those dried up, he started "borrowing" from company accounts, always planning to replace it before anyone noticed. He'd win sometimes—once even $40,000 in a single night—but it all went back into betting, chasing the high of that win. By the time I met Luther, he'd lost everything: his job, his marriage, his relationship with his adult children who couldn't comprehend how their reliable dad had become a felon. He faced prison time, but what destroyed him more was his fifteen-year-old grandson's question at their last family gathering: "Grandpa, why did you steal?" Luther sat in my office, this gray-haired man in a suit that no longer fit his stress-thinned frame, and wept like I've rarely seen anyone weep.

Maria: From Caregiver to Casino Captive

Maria's story began differently but ended in similar ruin. At thirty-two, she was a ICU nurse, the person her family called when they needed help, the aunt who remembered every birthday, the daughter who visited her aging parents twice weekly. Bingo nights at the local church seemed harmless enough—social, fun, supporting a good cause. But when a friend introduced her to the slot machines at a nearby casino, something clicked in Maria's brain. The lights, the sounds, the near-misses that felt like almosts—she couldn't stop thinking about them during shifts at the hospital. Within months, she was calling in sick to spend entire days at the casino. She'd arrive when they opened and leave only when her money ran out, sometimes eighteen hours later, barely remembering to eat. Maria lost her nursing license after showing up to work sleep-deprived and making a medication error that, thankfully, didn't harm the patient. Her parents discovered she'd drained their savings account—they'd given her access to help them pay bills online. The worst part, she told me, was that even after losing her career and betraying her parents' trust, she still dreamed about the slots. The shame of stealing from her elderly parents, who'd immigrated and worked minimum wage jobs their whole lives to give her opportunities, was suffocating her.

James: When a Windfall Becomes a Curse

Then there was James, twenty-seven, who'd received a $200,000 settlement after a car accident left him with chronic pain. Fresh out of college with loans to pay and no clear career direction, he saw the settlement as breathing room. A roommate took him to a casino to celebrate, and James discovered he loved blackjack. He learned strategies, read books, convinced himself he had a system. For a while, he won consistently—enough to believe he could make this his income. He rented a luxury apartment, bought a sports car, picked up tabs for friends at expensive restaurants. When the losses started mounting, he increased his bets to recover faster. The $200,000 disappeared in fourteen months. James borrowed from everyone who'd lend to him, always promising it was temporary, that he had a sure thing coming. He stopped answering calls, avoided places he might run into friends he owed. By the time his parents insisted he get help, James was sleeping in his car, the luxury apartment and sports car long repossessed, and he'd attempted suicide twice. The pain from his accident remained, but now he carried additional weight: the knowledge that he'd squandered what could have been a fresh start.

Rebecca: Gambling Away Grief and Loneliness

Rebecca was sixty-eight when her husband of forty-two years died suddenly. They'd been comfortable—not wealthy, but secure. Retirement accounts, the house paid off, modest pensions. Without children, Rebecca found herself adrift in grief and loneliness. A seniors' bus trip to a casino seemed like innocent entertainment, a chance to be around people. The video poker machines became her companion, a place where she didn't have to think about going home to an empty house. Rebecca established a routine: arriving at the casino at ten a.m., playing until evening, eating the complimentary buffet, accepting the free drinks. The casino staff knew her name, treated her like family. It felt good to be somewhere she belonged. Over three years, she systematically gambled away her savings, her husband's life insurance, eventually putting a lien on the house. She'd wake up determined not to go, but by mid-morning, the isolation became unbearable and she'd find herself in the car, driving the familiar route. When the bank finally moved to foreclose, Rebecca's nephew intervened and brought her to treatment. She described gambling not as chasing money but as numbing unbearable loneliness—the machine's lights and sounds filling the void her husband left.

David: The Professor Who Didn't Think It Was Gambling

David's addiction manifested differently than most cases I've treated. At forty-one, he was a high-functioning professional, a university professor with tenure, happily married with three kids. He'd never set foot in a casino, but fantasy sports leagues consumed him. What began as a casual March Madness bracket became daily fantasy football, basketball, baseball—anything he could bet on. He'd spend hours researching statistics, convinced his knowledge gave him an edge. His wife noticed him staying up until three a.m. on his laptop, becoming irritable when interrupted, neglecting family activities. David insisted it wasn't gambling, it was skill-based gaming. He lost $80,000 in two years—much of it their children's college funds—before his wife discovered the extent during tax preparation. What struck me about David's case was his genuine shock that he fit the profile of a gambling addict. He'd convinced himself that because he never visited casinos, because he was wagering on skill-based outcomes, because he was educated and analytical, he was different. His intelligence had actually enabled deeper denial.

Finding the Path to Recovery

If you recognize yourself or someone you love in these stories, please know that help exists and recovery is possible. Gambling addiction is a recognized disorder with effective treatments including cognitive behavioral therapy, support groups like Gamblers Anonymous, and sometimes medication for co-occurring conditions. The National Council on Problem Gambling operates a twenty-four-hour helpline (1-800-522-4700) offering confidential support and referrals. Many treatment centers specialize in gambling addiction, and numerous therapists have specific training in this area. Financial counseling can help address the practical aftermath while therapy addresses the underlying issues. Every person I've described eventually found their way to recovery, though the path wasn't easy and the consequences of their addiction remained. What made the difference was asking for help, accepting the reality of their addiction, and committing to the difficult work of healing. The shame that keeps people suffering in silence is the addiction's greatest ally—breaking that silence is the first step toward freedom.

Listen to Podcast on this article here
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In this episode of Therapist Point, I reflect on my ongoing journey of reconnecting with my daughter. As a parent who’s gone through a complicated divorce and years of separation from my child, I want to offer a window into what that process has been like. If you’re a single parent struggling with your relationship with your child, especially after a prolonged period of distance, this episode might resonate with you.

A Rocky Start: Divorce and Separation

Like many, my marriage was difficult and ultimately ended in divorce. I was married for seven years, separated for three, and after a failed attempt to reconcile, the divorce was finalized. As a result of the circumstances surrounding our separation, I lost contact with my daughter for six years. These were incredibly challenging years, and the pain of not being involved in her life weighed heavily on me.

After six years apart, we reconciled. It’s been about four and a half years since that reunion, and though things have gotten better with each passing year, the scars of the past are still present. The resentment I feel on occasion is a reminder of how much time was lost, but I also recognize that things are improving. That’s the thing about rebuilding a relationship—it’s slow, messy, and, at times, a little awkward.

Losing Authority: The Shifting Parental Dynamics

One theme that has consistently come up in my therapy sessions is my perceived lack of authority as a father. This issue didn’t start when we reconciled, but rather when my ex-wife took on the primary caregiving role during our marriage. As the breadwinner, I focused on running the business, and my wife took on the responsibility of caring for our daughter. Naturally, this resulted in my daughter bonding more with her mom, and over time, I lost the authority that comes with being a present, engaged parent.

I remember a moment when my daughter, around the age of 12, casually told me she needed to check with her mom before going horseback riding with me. This moment hit me hard. In that split second, it became painfully clear that she saw her mother as the primary authority figure. It’s an experience I still think about—one that highlighted how my absence and the imbalance of authority affected our relationship.

The Divorce System: A Complicated Landscape

This personal struggle was brought into sharper focus after watching the documentary Divorce Corp, which critiques the U.S. divorce system. The film sheds light on how children often become pawns in the battle between parents, and how the system itself profits from prolonged, expensive legal battles. In some countries, divorce is a simple process, and the focus is on the well-being of the children. Unfortunately, in the U.S., the legal system and the courts often create unnecessary complications, with the mother typically gaining more authority over the children. While I understand that there are always exceptions, the documentary made me realize how complex and unfair the system can be.

As a father, I believe both parents should have equal rights and authority in raising their children. After all, we both contributed equally to their lives, and the idea that one parent should have more control simply doesn’t seem fair.

A New Chapter: Supporting My Daughter’s College Journey

When my daughter turned 18, we began to talk more seriously about her future. She mentioned wanting to go to college, and while she jokingly suggested that I "owed" her that, I understood the sentiment. As a parent, I had always wanted the best for her, and that meant supporting her as she pursued higher education.

The financial side of things wasn’t easy. I committed to paying for her tuition, living expenses, and all the associated costs for her four years of college. I’m happy to report that she graduated without any student loans, which is something many students today can’t claim. While college isn’t the surefire path it once was, I believe in the value of education, not just in terms of the degree but also in terms of the discipline it teaches.

However, as much as I’ve been proud to support her, I also know that part of growing up is learning to stand on your own. As a parent, it’s tough to strike that balance between providing for your child and encouraging them to build independence.

Communication: A Struggle with Connection

Even though things have gotten better between my daughter and me over the years, communication is still an area of challenge. Like many in her generation, she prefers texting over talking on the phone, which can make meaningful conversation difficult. As a parent, I crave deeper, more personal communication, but I’m trying to be understanding of her age and priorities. At 22, she’s focused on her friends, work, and figuring out her life, and I remember what that was like at her age.

That being said, I do wish for more regular communication. I’ve noticed that she communicates more frequently with her mom, which sometimes brings up feelings of frustration. I recently spoke with my therapist about how I’m always the one to initiate contact, and interestingly, the same week we discussed this, my daughter called me unexpectedly. It was a pleasant surprise, and I appreciated that she reached out.

In that conversation, she opened up about her struggles—post-graduation depression, anxieties, and financial stress. Even though I can only do so much to help her, I want to be there for her in every way I can.

The Financial Dilemma: Setting Boundaries

The ongoing struggle of wanting to support my daughter financially, while also knowing that she needs to learn to stand on her own, has been a point of internal conflict. As a father, I never want to say no to her, especially when she’s going through tough times. But as I get older and plan for my own future, it’s becoming clear that I can’t keep offering the level of financial support I once did.

I’ve started to set boundaries with her, which hasn’t been easy. My therapist encouraged me to set clear expectations for when I will reduce my financial support, and while I agree, it’s still difficult. Like any parent, I want to help, but I also know that sometimes, the best thing I can do for her is to let go a little and allow her to figure things out.

The Importance of Boundaries and Patience

Through all of this, one lesson has become clear: patience. Rebuilding a relationship with my daughter after years of separation takes time. I’m not looking for anything in return, other than her love and respect. I want to be more than just a provider; I want to be a real part of her life and our family dynamic.

If you’re a parent going through a similar journey of reconciliation, I want you to know that you’re not alone. It’s hard, but it’s worth it. Boundaries are important—not as a way of cutting off your child, but as a way to help them grow into the independent adults they need to be. And while money certainly plays a role in the world we live in, the true value lies in the emotional connection and support you provide.

As a parent, my hope is simple: that my daughter knows I’m here for her, that I’ve always been here, and that I will continue to support her as she grows into the person she’s meant to be.

So, to all the parents out there trying to rebuild relationships with their children, be patient, set boundaries when needed, and continue showing up. Your love and effort will make a difference. Thanks for joining me on this part of my journey, and I’ll catch you next time here at Therapist Point.

If you're navigating your own challenges, don’t hesitate to reach out or visit our website for more resources. You’re not alone in this.

Listen to Podcast on this article here
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Welcome to Therapist Point! I'm your host, Jake, and today we'll continue discussing my personal journey with therapy as I reflect on my second session.

Being Stuck in the Past

So, I'm in my 40s, and one of the main things we discussed in the 2^nd session of therapy is how I've often find myself stuck in the past. On one hand, I know this is something many people experience as they get older. But on the other hand, I can't help but feel it's not just about aging—it's also that the world around me has changed so drastically when comparing decades in the past century, and I no longer feel as connected to it as I once did, and that's where the struggle begins.

How Social Media Changed the Way We Connect

One example of this shift is how people socialize. We all know that social media has changed the way we communicate over the past decade or so, but it feels like it’s getting worse with each passing year. If we look back even a century, socializing was mostly face-to-face, not glued to a device. This is where I start to think it’s not just me getting older; the world has really shifted. I’m pretty sure I’m not crazy and many feel the same way.

Now, to expand on that, one thing that bothers me a lot is how it's all about recording the moment instead of actually experiencing it. We see this at concerts, festivals, clubs, and so on. The irony is that back in my partying days (yes, I’m sounding like the old man now, haha), when we went clubbing, it was rare for anyone to record anything. If we saw someone recording us having fun at the after-party, and doing what we do, we’d probably think they were a narc and tell them to stop or leave—this was our moment, not for the world, some Goodfellas kind of vibe, some R-Kelly keep it on DL kind of vibe. But now, all you see are people holding up their phones to the DJ or artist on stage, and honestly, it just looks kind of sad to me.

I get it, though. Some of you listening might be those people, and I'm not trying to put you down. I understand that if everyone else is doing it, and this the thing, you might feel the need to do it too. Don’t get me wrong—I myself, did it when it first became a thing. But after a while, it just lost its appeal, and I started to miss how we used to have fun, without the constant need to capture everything. So, yeah, it's a struggle, and it often makes me not want to go out, knowing I’ll just be surrounded by people standing there with their phones. And in some ways, kind of waiting to see what’s the next trend, but I’m not that optimistic about it getting any better, probably even worse.

Now, here’s the other side of the coin, where it might sound a bit hypocritical: yeah, when I’m home, not doing much, I’ll hop on Instagram or Facebook and scroll through posts to pass the time. In some ways, that’s just what we’re being fed now, so it’s hard to completely ignore it, unless you go just go live off-grid which is not a reality for most. So kind of like, if you can’t beat them, you join them, but I’m a born leader so I’m hoping some of y’all can join me and lets have events where people need to check in their phones before entering, kind of like a coat check, but for you phone.  I know, wishful thinking, but you just never know.

Why I Miss the 80s, 90s, and 2000s Era

Now besides this whole record the moment business, another aspect that I miss when going out to clubs or parties is how we used to dance and the music that goes with it. For example, now if you go to a hip hop club, the ladies pretty much have their one move which is twerking. Don’t get more wrong, I enjoy a little twerk here and there, but I don’t want your ass sticking in my crotch all night, it gets old and impersonal. What happened to those days where we used to dance hand in hand, chest to chest, and face to face? Call me old school romantic, but I do also miss them slow dances where it felt intimate, romantic, love in the air. Yup.. Another example are raves/festivals. It seems as their only move today is doing the shuffle dance the entire time. Yeah, it’s a cool dance at first, but also gets old and impersonal. What to do, what to do lol.  

Ok, lets shift gears. So there’s other areas of being stuck in the past such as Movies for example. Personally I’m a movie buff, I do miss movies from the 80’s, 90’s, even 2000’s in comparison to most movies today. Not saying that there aren’t any as I will come across a movie here and there that I enjoy, but the part I’m not a big fan of movies today is it’s either all about CGI and not the story line lacks originality, or everything is a remake which I personally feel maybe 1 out of 20 is good and the rest not my cup of tea. And other areas as well such as Superhero Fatigue, Poor Character Development, Political Correctness, etc.. So, I do find myself recycling back to watching old movies when nothing else new to watch that is interesting, but that’s also getting old, how many times can you really watch old movies. Ok, so there watching documentaries or other educational/informational shows can be a good spin off solution. I limit the news I watch or read to just enough to being informed what’s out there, but I think if you get stuck in that world too much, that probably cause some anxieties and stress. Bottom line, that industry has also shifted and need to adjust to it.

Another example is Standup Comedy. Personally, I’m not that sensitive or easily offended as I can handle any type of joke, but today there’s more Political Correctness and Cancel Culture based on certain jokes that have to do with race, gender, sex, whatever.  I’m not alone on this one as even the comedians themselves have expressed that it’s harder for them to do jokes freely, but I also do see some comedians fighting back for the right to be funny, and those are the comedians I prefer watching.  My personal take on it is, if it’s meant to be a joke, then let’s just enjoy the entertainment, and it’s ok to laugh at ourselves & our flaws which usually are the best jokes anyways.

I also miss how dating used to be. It feels like things have changed so much in recent years, with dating now revolving around apps and online profiles. While things weren’t perfect back then, dating was more about genuine connections—meeting people in person, having real conversations, and letting chemistry develop naturally, rather than swiping left or right based on a picture or quick bio. I remember when online dating first emerged, it felt exciting, like a faster, more convenient way to meet someone, so not totally knocking it, but now, after years of it, it feels like everyone’s jaded. The pressure to present a perfect image online has replaced the excitement of getting to know someone face-to-face. It also feels like dating has become more transactional, not saying it was never in the past, but just feel a lot more on the average now a days. Now being a bit old school myself, I have no problem as a man paying for the first date, however, I don’t want it to be about that or the expectations that I will always pay for everything. Times have changed, and many women today are financially independent and some even doing better then men, which has shifted the dynamics of dating. But other then that part, there’s are areas that I miss, like the days when I could just pull up next to someone while driving and start a conversation, but now, people are often distracted by their phones, and even if you do get attention, you're sometimes labeled a creep. It's not always the case, but it’s harder to approach someone now. With all these challenges, dating just feels more complicated and less rewarding. And it’s not just one-sided—many men have lost their way too, especially those who only seek hookups or forgot how to be gentlemen. It seems like negative energies are bouncing off each other, making it harder for anyone to find meaningful connections. So as a man, that is my personal struggle, and for you women, I know you have yours. It’s brutal out there all around.

I could probably go on further into this topic in other areas, but I think I’ve depressed enough people for one day, including myself lol. 

Essentially, my therapist told me some things that I already knew and other tips to cope with this struggle.

For starters- there's no going back in time, there’s no delorean, and I just need to accept things as they are, which is definitely a tough pill to swallow. But, you need that medicine.

Another tip is to start small by taking gradual steps towards adapting to new technologies or trends. You don’t have to dive into everything at once—start with one thing that interests you.

Next tip is to focus on what you can control. So trying to change the world is nearly impossible but you can control how you respond to it by finding ways to engage in ways that feel authentic to you while respecting the changes around you.

Next, it's important to celebrate the present instead of mourning the past. While there are things I miss about the past, there are also many positives in today's world. For instance, I'm glad that weed is more widely legalized now and no longer carries the same negative stigma. Another positive is the progress in medical treatments, such as advancements in stem cell therapy. Technology like Google Earth and GPS has made it much harder to get lost, which is incredibly helpful. And despite some downsides to the internet, one major benefit is the increased work flexibility, allowing many people to work from anywhere in the world—depending on their profession, of course.

The bottom line, is as I move forward on this journey, I need to recognize that acceptance is crucial, even though it’s not always easy. It’s tough not to long for the past, but I know I need to keep learning that true growth comes from embracing the present.

I’m hopeful that through these therapy sessions, I’ll be able to navigate these emotions and find a balance between honoring the past and fully living in the moment.

Thanks for joining me on this part of my journey, and I’ll catch you next time here at Therapist Point.

Also, don’t forget to follow us, rate us, drop me a question if you want, and visit our website Therapistpoint.com for more articles and resources to getting help.  Good bye everyone!

Listen to Podcast on this article here
https://therapistpoint.com/podcast/my-therapy-day-1 

Today, I want to share a deeply personal experience: my first day in therapy. It's a topic that can feel vulnerable for many to discuss, but I believe it’s important to bring it to light and have an open conversation about it. So here we go!

Decision to Start Therapy

The decision to actually begin therapy, rather than just talking about it, wasn’t an easy one. Like many people, I had reservations about opening up to a stranger about my problems, and I wasn’t sure if it would actually help or if I was just wasting my time and money. On the other hand, it’s important to invest in yourself—whether it's by improving your physical health through proper nutrition and exercise or investing in your education and business to grow your income. So why not also invest in your mental well-being to complete the whole package?

Therapist Research

I took the first step, which meant doing some research. The first part of the process was finding a therapist I thought might be the right fit—someone who specialized in the areas I needed help with. It’s not just about picking someone who will listen; it’s about finding someone who understands the nuances of what I’m dealing with, who can offer real tools for growth, and who makes me feel safe and heard from the very first interaction. Of course, there are also practical considerations, like checking whether they accept your insurance or what out-of-pocket expenses you might incur.

After spending some time looking through numerous profiles, I reached the point where I just wanted to make a choice already. On paper, several therapists seemed like they could help, so it was hard to decide. Eventually, I narrowed it down to a few top choices, flipped a coin, and picked one. I figured I’d give it a try, and if it didn’t feel like a good fit, I could move on until I found the right one.

So, I reached out to a therapist, and we had our initial consultation. She started by asking a few basic questions, like what I was hoping to get out of therapy and what my goals were. After I shared my thoughts, she explained the type of therapy she practices and what the process involves. She then asked if I thought it sounded like a good fit for me. Honestly, I had no idea how to answer. I told her this was my first time seeking therapy as an adult (other than some childhood therapy and a brief stint with couples counseling during my marriage, which didn’t last long). I explained that, without any prior experience to compare it to, it was hard to know if this approach was the right one, which she agreed was a fair assessment. But I told her I was open to giving it a try and seeing how things went.

In-Person Therapy vs Online Therapy

We scheduled our first appointment, which took place virtually. Beforehand, I asked if there was any difference between virtual and in-person sessions. She explained that for some people, in-person feels more comfortable and personal, while for others, there’s no real difference. Personally, since I’m used to attending virtual meetings for work, I was open to starting that way. Plus, it saved me gas and commute time, which was definitely a bonus! Lol Why not save a few emissions, right?

In our first session, she asked if there were any specific areas I wanted to focus on. I found it hard to narrow it down because there are several aspects of my life I want to work on, and I wasn’t sure where to start. So instead, she asked me some background questions—things like where I’m from, details about my family, and my work. Surprisingly, these simple questions led me to open up more than I expected. As I answered them, I found myself naturally talking about the challenges I’m facing in different areas of my life. Before I knew it, the session was over.

It felt a bit like stepping into a pool. At first, the water feels cold and you’re hesitant, but once you dive in and take a few laps, your body adjusts, and the coldness fades. Before you know it, you’re on fire!

To sum it up, the first session was really about her getting to know me better. There wasn’t any major feedback or solutions, which I expected. After all, how can someone help you if they don’t know anything about you? I understand this is going to be a process. Although I’m not always that patient and love instant results—like the instant gratification world we live in today—I guess this is one area where I’ll have to work on that.

I plan to continue with weekly sessions, and after a few more, I’ll record another podcast to share updates on my progress and what I’m learning along the way. For those who are hesitant about getting help, I hope this will give you the courage you need to take that step.

Autumn is well underway, and for millions of people, it’s time to think about the end-of-the-year holidays. Although these festive times can be fun, they’re sometimes a source of anxiety. The American Psychological Association’s latest survey from 2023 indicates that about 41 percent of US adults experience enough stress to interfere with enjoying the holidays.

Holiday Depression

For those who live with depression or other psychological conditions, the holiday stress can aggravate those conditions. That’s because the pressure over the holidays can be tremendous and the stress it provokes is anything but merry.

Holiday Tension & Stress

The sources of holiday tension and stress include all the logistics of getting family together, shopping, expenses, cooking, and many situations unique to each merrymaker. The holidays can also generate loneliness and longing for times and people who have passed away.

This kind of year-end stress struck me as a brand-new counselor. I’d just finished my master’s degree, obtained my license, and snagged my dream job just a few weeks before Thanksgiving—perfect timing to celebrate and relax. I was no longer a flat-broke student; I even had money to spend this year.

And then all the deferred tension and anxiety that had been stuffed down for the prior three years got piled onto the adjustments from student to employee—an employee with no days off for the holidays banked yet. I’d be working through my first holidays as a gainfully employed person.

It seemed like no one close to me understood or sympathized with the anxiety I was feeling. In the eyes of my family, Christmas was coming and I had to be happy because that’s what people are supposed to feel at that time of year. I relaxed only after the holidays were over.

From that experience, I picked up a few holiday stress management techniques you may find useful:

- Manage Expectations
Keep your expectations realistic and don’t set yourself up for disappointment. When it comes to how much you want to take on, stay grounded. Don’t let your wishes exceed your time, money, and peace of mind.

- Learn to Say No
Learning to say no helps you avoid overcommitting yourself, prevents overspending, and helps your boundaries remain intact.

- Set Boundaries and Make Them Stick
Build some limits that work for you. A boundary doesn’t have to be more complex than letting someone know what you will and won’t do.

- Take Care of Yourself
Try to get at least seven to eight hours of sleep a night and be kind to your body. It’s easy to eat and drink too much during the holidays—it’s practically expected! However, relying on alcohol or food for mood improvement can backfire. Although there’s no need to be stingy with holiday treats, avoid excessive consumption.

- Create New Traditions
When things change, like family or friends moving too far away to visit, making new traditions can give you something to look forward to.

Conclusion

The holidays are a source of fun and celebration, but there’s a risk of stress and anxiety getting in the way of good cheer. Remember to take good care of yourself, keep it real with expectations, stay open-minded about new experiences, and make sure to set boundaries to reduce your tension and anxiety during the holiday season.         

References

https://www.nami.org/press-releases/mental-health-and-the-holiday-blues/

https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2023/11/holiday-season-stress#

Procrastination is something many of us struggle with, and it’s a behavior that can feel frustrating, especially when we know what needs to be done but can’t bring ourselves to do it. As a therapist, I’ve encountered countless clients who battle with procrastination, often feeling stuck in a cycle of avoidance, guilt, and stress. What makes procrastination so common, and why do we delay tasks even when we know it’s counterproductive? Let's explore the psychological factors behind procrastination, using real client examples to highlight strategies for overcoming it.

The Roots of Procrastination

Procrastination isn’t simply about poor time management or laziness. In fact, it’s often linked to deeper emotional and psychological causes. Research suggests that procrastination can be a form of emotional regulation, where we avoid tasks that trigger discomfort, anxiety, or fear. This means procrastination is more about managing emotions than managing time. Here are some common psychological reasons for procrastination:

Fear of Failure:
Many people procrastinate because they fear they won’t be able to complete a task to a high standard, so they put it off to avoid confronting that fear. One client of mine, a college student named “Jennifer”, would constantly delay writing her term papers. She would tell herself, “I’ll do it tomorrow,” but tomorrow always came with a new excuse. Through our sessions, we uncovered that her fear of not being “good enough” was at the heart of her procrastination. She feared that her writing wouldn’t meet her professor’s expectations, so she avoided starting altogether.

Overcoming It:
To help Jennifer overcome this, we used Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to challenge her negative thoughts about failure. I encouraged her to break the task into small, manageable pieces, starting with just writing an outline. Once she took the first step, the anxiety began to lessen. She also learned to accept that her first draft didn’t have to be perfect — it just needed to exist. By reframing her thoughts about failure, she slowly gained the confidence to tackle tasks sooner.

Perfectionism:
Perfectionism is closely related to the fear of failure but comes with the added pressure of feeling that everything must be done flawlessly. Procrastinators who struggle with perfectionism often delay tasks because they’re waiting for the “perfect” moment when they’ll have the energy, clarity, or time to do it exactly right. I once worked with a client, “James”, a graphic designer, who would avoid starting projects because he was overwhelmed by the need to create something flawless. He would spend hours envisioning the final product but struggled to begin. His procrastination wasn’t due to laziness but rather the paralyzing thought of creating something less than perfect.

Overcoming It:
To help James, we worked on practicing self-compassion and accepting that “done is better than perfect.” He began setting time limits for his work to push through the initial phase of a project, even if he wasn’t completely satisfied with it. Over time, James learned to embrace imperfection, which freed him from the self-imposed pressure that had been holding him back.

Task Aversion:
Sometimes, procrastination happens because we find a particular task unpleasant, boring, or stressful. For many of my clients, tasks like filing taxes, doing household chores, or writing reports become sources of procrastination because they evoke negative emotions. One client, Amy, would avoid doing her monthly finances because it triggered feelings of overwhelm. The mere thought of looking at her bills would make her anxious, so she put it off until the last minute, often missing payment deadlines.

Overcoming It:
In “Amy’s” case, we used the Pomodoro Technique, a time management method where tasks are broken into 25-minute intervals, followed by a 5-minute break. I suggested she set a timer and work on her finances for just 25 minutes, reassuring her that she could take a break afterward. This helped her approach the task in smaller, less intimidating increments, reducing her overall stress. Over time, the task became less daunting, and she was able to complete it without the emotional weight.

Emotional Avoidance and Stress:
Procrastination often stems from a desire to avoid uncomfortable emotions. When tasks evoke stress or negative feelings, it’s easier to distract ourselves with more pleasurable activities. For some, procrastination is a way to temporarily escape feelings of inadequacy, frustration, or anxiety. A client named “Mark” came to therapy because he was avoiding making career decisions. He felt stuck in a job he disliked but avoided taking steps to make a change because of the fear and uncertainty associated with job hunting.

Overcoming It:
For Mark, we used Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to address the avoidance. We worked on accepting uncomfortable emotions, rather than running from them. I helped him identify his core values, which included personal growth and career satisfaction. By focusing on these values, Mark began to take small steps toward his career goals, acknowledging that discomfort was part of the process but didn’t have to dictate his actions.

Practical Strategies to Combat Procrastination

If you’re struggling with procrastination, here are some strategies that have been effective for my clients:

1. Break Tasks Down:
   Large tasks can feel overwhelming. Breaking them into smaller, more manageable steps can reduce anxiety and make it easier to start.
   
   
2. Set Time Limits:
   Use the Pomodoro Technique or simply set a timer for 15 or 30 minutes. Allow yourself to work on the task for that set time, knowing that you can stop afterward if needed.
   
   
3. Challenge Negative Thoughts:
   Be aware of any negative thoughts driving your procrastination. Are you afraid of failure or perfectionism? Challenge these thoughts by reframing them. Remind yourself that progress, not perfection, is the goal.
   
   
4. Practice Self-Compassion:
   Be kind to yourself when you procrastinate. Harsh self-criticism only leads to more avoidance. Acknowledge that procrastination is a common struggle and that you’re working to improve.
   
   
5. Reward Yourself:
   Once you’ve completed a task or made progress, reward yourself. Positive reinforcement can help build motivation for future tasks.

Conclusion
Procrastination is a complex issue, often rooted in deep psychological processes. Whether it’s driven by fear of failure, perfectionism, or emotional avoidance, the good news is that it can be managed with the right tools and support. As a therapist, I’ve seen my clients make incredible progress by addressing the underlying emotional and cognitive barriers that fuel procrastination. By recognizing the reasons behind procrastination and applying practical strategies, it’s possible to break the cycle and take control of your time — and your life.

If you find yourself struggling with procrastination, remember that it’s not a character flaw or laziness. With self-awareness and the right support, you can overcome it.

Listen to Podcast on this article here
https://therapistpoint.com/podcast/the-science-of-emotional-intelligence

Exploring how emotional intelligence (EQ) plays a role in relationships, leadership, and personal success.

In my years as a therapist, I’ve had the privilege of working with individuals from all walks of life, each bringing their unique emotional landscapes to our sessions. Some have come to me overwhelmed by stress at work, others seeking to repair fractured relationships, and many hoping to find balance in the chaos of daily life. One thing I’ve noticed over and over is that those who possess higher emotional intelligence—or EQ—often fare better not only in managing their emotions but in navigating life’s complex social and professional dynamics.

Emotional intelligence is not just a buzzword; it’s a scientifically validated framework for understanding and managing our emotions in ways that lead to healthier relationships, more effective leadership, and greater personal success. The concept, popularized by psychologist Daniel Goleman, is defined by five key components: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills (Goleman, 1995). In this article, I’ll explore how these components play out in real-world scenarios, drawing from both research and my own therapeutic experiences.

Emotional Intelligence in Relationships

One of my clients, let’s call her Sarah, came to me struggling with feelings of isolation in her marriage. She couldn’t understand why small arguments with her spouse would escalate into full-blown fights. As we worked through these moments in therapy, it became clear that a lack of emotional intelligence was at the heart of the issue. Sarah wasn’t aware of how her own emotional triggers were influencing her responses to her partner. Without self-awareness, she couldn’t regulate her emotions, and without regulation, empathy became harder to access.

We began working on her self-awareness by having her track her emotions and reactions to stressors throughout the week. Slowly, Sarah started to notice patterns—how fatigue or frustration at work would often spill into her conversations at home. With this newfound awareness, she could then focus on self-regulation—learning techniques to pause, breathe, and respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively. Over time, her empathy for her spouse grew, and they began communicating more effectively, resolving conflicts with compassion rather than defensiveness.

This experience highlights the critical role emotional intelligence plays in relationships. People with high EQ are better able to understand their own emotional states and, in turn, relate more empathetically to others. Empathy allows us to step into someone else’s shoes and see things from their perspective, which fosters deeper connections and more harmonious interactions (Schutte et al., 2001).

Emotional Intelligence in Leadership

Leaders who possess emotional intelligence are often more successful at inspiring, managing, and motivating their teams. One of my clients, a mid-level manager named John, was struggling to connect with his employees. He was a brilliant strategist but felt like his team didn’t respect him, and he couldn’t figure out why.

After a few sessions, it became clear that while John excelled in technical skills, his emotional intelligence was underdeveloped. He had difficulty recognizing when his own stress impacted his leadership style, which led him to be abrupt or dismissive without realizing it. His employees felt unheard and unappreciated, which was eroding team morale.

We focused on developing social skills, one of the core elements of EQ. John began practicing active listening and worked on his self-regulation by checking in with his emotions before meetings. When he felt his stress levels rising, he would pause, breathe, and reset his approach. By actively engaging his team with empathy and patience, John was able to rebuild trust, and in turn, his team’s productivity improved (Caruso & Salovey, 2004).

This is a common scenario in leadership. Emotional intelligence in the workplace fosters better teamwork, enhances communication, and allows leaders to build a supportive environment where people feel valued. Self-regulation and empathy are essential for leaders to maintain their composure under pressure and keep their teams motivated, while strong social skills help them manage relationships and conflicts effectively (Goleman, 2000).

Emotional Intelligence and Personal Success

Beyond relationships and leadership, emotional intelligence is often a key driver of personal success. People with high EQ tend to perform better under stress, navigate challenges with resilience, and maintain a balanced outlook on life. In therapy, I’ve seen firsthand how developing emotional intelligence can transform lives.

Take, for example, a young entrepreneur I worked with named Alex. Alex was brilliant but frequently found himself overwhelmed by anxiety and self-doubt. He would often set lofty goals but crumble under the pressure of achieving them. During our sessions, we explored the emotional roots of his anxiety and focused on building self-awareness and motivation—two key components of EQ (Bar-On, 2006).

By increasing his self-awareness, Alex learned to recognize when negative thoughts were clouding his judgment and derailing his progress. He also began to tap into intrinsic motivation—the internal drive that comes from a personal sense of purpose rather than external validation (Zeidner et al., 2009). This shift allowed Alex to approach his goals with clarity and confidence, which helped him achieve personal and professional milestones he had previously thought impossible.

Research supports the idea that emotional intelligence is crucial for success. Studies show that people with high EQ are more likely to achieve their goals, manage stress effectively, and build lasting relationships—all of which are essential for long-term fulfillment (Salovey & Mayer, 1990). Motivation, especially when coupled with emotional regulation, helps individuals stay focused on their objectives and push through obstacles without becoming overwhelmed.

Conclusion: Cultivating Emotional Intelligence

As a therapist, I’ve seen the profound impact that emotional intelligence can have on people’s lives. Whether it’s helping a couple improve their communication, guiding a leader to inspire their team, or empowering an individual to overcome self-doubt, EQ is often the key that unlocks lasting change.

The good news is that emotional intelligence is not fixed—it can be developed and strengthened over time. By practicing self-awareness, regulating emotions, cultivating empathy, and honing social skills, anyone can improve their emotional intelligence and, in turn, enhance their relationships, leadership abilities, and personal success (Goleman, 1995).

If there’s one takeaway from my work with clients, it’s that the journey toward emotional intelligence is both deeply personal and universally transformative. As you become more aware of your emotions and how they influence your behavior, you begin to unlock the potential for more meaningful connections and a more fulfilled life. Emotional intelligence isn’t just about managing emotions—it’s about thriving in every aspect of life, from the boardroom to the living room.

References:

1. Goleman, Daniel. Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. Bantam Books, 1995.
2. Salovey, Peter, and John D. Mayer. "Emotional Intelligence." Imagination, Cognition, and Personality, 9(3), 1990.
3. Schutte, Nicola S., et al. "Emotional Intelligence and Interpersonal Relations." The Journal of Social Psychology, 141(4), 2001.
4. Caruso, David R., and Peter Salovey. The Emotionally Intelligent Manager: How to Develop and Use the Four Key Emotional Skills of Leadership. Jossey-Bass, 2004.
5. Bar-On, Reuven. "The Bar-On Model of Emotional-Social Intelligence (ESI)." Psicothema, 2006.
6. Zeidner, Moshe, Gerald Matthews, and Richard D. Roberts. What We Know About Emotional Intelligence: How It Affects Learning, Work, Relationships, and Our Mental Health. MIT Press, 2009.
7. Goleman, Daniel. "Leadership That Gets Results." Harvard Business Review, March-April 2000.

Marcus clutched his backpack tightly as he navigated the crowded high school hallways, eyes glued to the linoleum floor. His brown hair fell in disheveled waves around his face, and he kept his head down, avoiding the gaze of the other students. It wasn't just any typical day; today was the day of the big math test, and Marcus had spent weeks preparing for it, not that anyone cared.

As he approached his locker, a familiar voice echoed through the hall. "Hey, four-eyes!" It was Jake, the high school's unofficial king of torment. Marcus winced but didn’t turn around. He could feel Jake’s posse closing in on him, their snickers punctuating the air like jabs.

"How’s the loser doing?" Jake's voice grew closer. Marcus could almost sense the smirk on his face. "Studying for your pathetic little test again? Must be so boring in that little world of yours."

Marcus was used to this routine. He knew the script by heart: the taunts, the shoving, the crowd of spectators who found his discomfort entertaining. But today, he felt something different brewing inside him. He’d been working on a special project in the secrecy of his room, a project that meant more to him than any test ever could.

Ignoring Jake’s jabs, Marcus unlocked his locker, his fingers trembling slightly. Inside was a neatly organized box, filled with hand-drawn comic books. They were his own creation, a superhero saga he’d been developing for months. In these pages, Marcus was not a bullied teenager; he was a hero, powerful and invincible, fighting against all odds.

As he pulled out a copy of his latest issue, Jake’s laughter grew louder. But Marcus wasn’t afraid anymore. He took a deep breath and turned to face his bully, holding up the comic book.

"Why don’t you read this?" Marcus said, his voice steadier than he felt. "Maybe you’ll learn something."

Jake looked at the comic book, bewildered. His friends fell silent, curiosity overcoming their usual bravado. Marcus noticed the momentary confusion in Jake’s eyes and seized the opportunity. "It's about a hero who fights against bullies and stands up for what's right. Maybe it’ll inspire you to think twice."

The hallway buzzed with whispers. Marcus knew the comic book was not just a story; it was his message to the world. He walked away, feeling a sense of liberation he’d never experienced before. As he rounded the corner, he could hear Jake and his friends discussing the comic, their voices tinged with a mix of mockery and genuine curiosity.

That evening, Marcus found an unexpected surprise in his locker: a note from Jake, along with a request to borrow the comic. It was a small gesture, but for Marcus, it was a sign of change. He realized that sometimes, courage comes not from fighting back with fists, but from sharing a piece of yourself that might just make others see you differently.

As he settled into his room to work on the next issue, Marcus felt a spark of hope. Maybe, just maybe, his stories could make a difference. And in that moment, the hero he’d always imagined himself to be felt a little bit closer to becoming real.